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You'll show me your what if I do...huh????

Monday, September 10, 2012

Another birthday in the books and this is how it began... margaritas... which I may never drink again!!! There will be no pics posted of how it ended, no one in their right mind would want to see that. It was an interesting 42nd  that's for sure. The day started out just as a pretty normal Saturday chock full of kids activities to which I had to schlep myself at the same time I would have to get up and go to work. Yes, even on my birthday I got up at 6:30, ugh. But even if their Dad was around to take them, or on the rare occasion that he does, I feel guilty for missing an event. So I am not complaining, I love watching them and they love that I am there cheering them on.
The rest of the day pretty much went by in a blur. I spent the second half with all of my girlfriends out on the lake laughing and being crazy and drinking way too much. We saw a movie being filmed, well sort of.  We saw  some guys dressed up in all black military type clothes walking around looking official. They claimed to be filming a movie, in hindsight we maybe should have asked exactly what variety of movie they were making. Looked pretty low budget. We met a group of young gentlemen with an interesting display of brands on their bodies. Yes, brands, as in set a hot poker on fire and sear my skin with  ummm... Idk... fraternity letters? My  BF was offered the chance to see a branded penis in exchange for a kiss... this is a first and will perhaps go down as the funniest moment of the night. She declined but I must admit  we were all a tad curious. I mean, who would do that??? We made it to a local bar later in the evening and proceeded to try desperately to relive our youth buy drinking rounds of shots, dancing our asses off, flirting shamelessly with random dudes and just generally having fun. Sunday was not so much fun, it was a complete waste of a day on this planet for me and undoubtedly several of my other partners in crime. My question is why do we do this?? We are grown women and we can not party like rock stars anymore but we sure as shit try to disprove this theory on every birthday or girls night out. I am not 21 anymore and drinking isn't nearly as much fun as it used to be, the hangovers are down right brutal. Sunday was spent laying around, watching Bravo re-runs, eating pizza and drinking gallons of water and diet coke in an attempt to rehydrate which was challenging to say the least. I feel like I pretty much blew all of my efforts at being healthy last week. So today I am back at it and here is my plan:

Monday - Friday:  Track every morsel on My Fitness Pal and stick to your 1210 calories oh brilliant one!!!!

Cardio: Run 3 times this week and get thru week 4 of C25K... times a wasting and Oct. 27 will be here before you know it! You don't want to look like an ass at your first real 5k.


Eat clean for 5 days straight. You know you feel so much better when you do and your body thanks you by looking fit and fabulous at 42! Well, not fit yet but working on it!
So I am pretty sucky at these in the mirror photos but no one was home and I actually thought I looked pretty cute on my birthday...  for an old bag. Loving my hot pink Capri's. These are one size smaller than the pants I was wearing at the beginning of the summer... so theres that! Here's to making this week a tone setter for my 43rd year on this planet!

Happy Birthday 2 Me

Friday, September 7, 2012
I still love my birthday even at 42, well tomorrow anyway. Is that weird? I was feeling so good this morning really looking forward to a fun weekend. I am out to dinner tonight with 2 best buddies from college who share the same bday week. Checking out a restaurant that is highly recommended for farm to table local cuisine. Can't wait. Tomorrow after 3, yes 3 football games I will be heading to the lake for an outing on the boat with all of my best girlfriends. Another dinner, and lots o drinking for sure! MIL is keeping the kiddies for me as I have no idea even where crazy pants is this week. He's hiding because he owes me a support payment. As this day has gone on I have become more subdued as I ponder my bank account, the price of gas, much needed car repairs and the fact that I don't get paid again till next Friday. I don't know how I will make it... seriously. Is it wrong for me to want to go out and celebrate my bday when I am totally broke? I should stay home and not spend a dime all weekend. But then I think "fuck it" I'm only turning 42 once and how often does your birthday fall on a Saturday??? I know there is a real answer for that but who cares!My point is I am going to be Scarlett O'Hara all weekend and not think about it till tomorrow. Monday will be here soon enough. I think I deserve to be happy on this birthday, I made it thru an incredibly difficult year and I am so much better off than I was a year ago. I am stronger thru all of the hard times and I am going to celebrate like a rock star this weekend. Say a little prayer that my friends and random cute guys buy me drinks:) Cheers!

Kurt & Goldie...sigh...

Thursday, September 6, 2012
I have had a crush on Kurt Russell since I was a kid. I remember seeing him in a TV movie portraying Elvis and I was hooked. It was 1979.. I was nine years old and the man did it for me. I am pretty sure I have seen every movie he has ever made starting with the Escape from NY saga where he brought the infamous Snake Plissken to life in 1981. The man is just sex on legs for me, his smiling eyes, the dimples, the long-ish sexy hair and just the general manly man with a sweet side that he always seems to portray on film. I LOVE HIM.  I would have made a great Mrs. Kurt Russell had he ever been in the market for marriage after his first divorce in 1983, never mind that I was only 13, we could have made it work!!!! But alas, during the time of his divorce he just happened to re-connect with an old friend during the making of Swingshift (remember that one?) a certain Goldie Hawn and the rest as they say is history. They have been together now for 29 years, not married, but call me crazy every time I see them in a photo or what have you they look genuinely happy. Hmmm....
I am thinking about what kind of relationship I am really looking for next. In my especially bitter moments I say "screw men, never again will I be in a relationship" but come on, I know I can not live without love, passion and especially penis (yes I said it)  for the rest of my life. But marriage, I am pretty sure, I may actually be well suited to living with out it. Maybe, possibly, I am leaning decidedly in this direction. Take Kurt and Goldie for example. Maybe they are on to something here? I mean why do I need to ever get married again? I have my kids, not having anymore or I would remarry. I think you kind of should if you plan to start a new family. I have had the big fancy wedding, honeymoon in Hawaii, been walked down the aisle and danced with my Dad, forced my best friends to wear ugly dresses so I could look stunning standing next to them, got the diamonds, china, silver and floated around in a dress made of tulle fit for a princess for an entire day, complete with blinged out tiara. (I thought I was the  I have had it all as far as weddings go. No desire to do that again.   So even if next time I get married barefoot on the beach with tattoos for wedding bands (which is a secret hope of mine) what is it that I need from marriage? I want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be with me, not because he feels like he has to or is stuck with me. Lots of people stay in relationships because, lets face it, divorce is a giant pain in the ass, take it from me. (They just cheat, see previous blog post) Do people like Kurt & Goldie stay together for 29 years because they feel they have to? I don't think so. This is what I want. Real love, at least it appears to be by my standards and for Hollywood, unheard of. I googled images of them for this post and there are pages of them through out the years. They look like true friends, companions, lovers... people who enjoy being together. They are seen getting coffee, walking their dogs, watching ball games, shopping, every day mundane stuff as well as red carpet events and the like. And kissing...a lot (with their eyes closed, faces smushed like no one is watching), holding hands, always physically connected in most of these photos... it's telling I think. Google them... you will see what I mean.  This is what I want. My next relationship to tell this story. A story of 2 that can't imagine being 1 without the other. But I don't think it requires marriage, I really don't.
I forgive you Kurt for not taking me as your teen bride and  I am happy for you. I am terribly jealous of you Goldie but I like whatcha did there! I am sure you guys fight and annoy the shit out of each other like all couples do but I think you may be on to something here. Bravo and many, many happy. I should be so lucky:)

Revelation time...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

After a 3 day weekend I usually come back to work feeling a bit tired and cheated, as if it went by too fast,  I ate and drank too much and didn't get nearly enough sleep. I guess I generally feel like crap after a holiday because I go completely crazy and overindulge because I feel I deserve it. So this weekend because my car needs brakes, gas is $4.00 a gallon, I am totally broke and my 2 best friends were OOT (out of town) I stayed home and did practically nothing. I had my kiddoes part of the weekend nights only ( so awesome for my newly single social life) because loser ex husband still has no where to live so can't keep them over night. What ev... maybe someday he will get his shit together. I doubt it but I remain hopeful. Actually I had them Sat. during the day as well and we spent the day lounging at the pool which was very nice and extremely unproductive unless you count a slightly burned face and some additional good golden brown to the legs, which I do. So in and effort not to feel like a total slob and loser with no life I did the requisite household chores in addition to watching mediocre movies and drinking copious amounts of wine. Poor SJP, she really is a one hit wonder as Carrie Bradshaw... don't bother renting How Does She Do It?. She doesn't, she really, truly sucks.  I do, however, recommend The Hunger Games if in fact you are the only other person besides me on the planet who has not seen it. It was a bit disturbing because I have kids and I immediately was forced to imagine my babies in such a setting, but it was good none the less.

So here is the important stuff that I learned this weekend. I am starting to feel almost... almost content with my life. There is nothing like really doing nothing and not going anywhere for 2 or 3 days to really make you take stock of your situation. I am on the go so much that even though I was a little stir crazy at odd moments over the weekend it was nice to not have to be anywhere at all. Which really makes me stop and think about the direction I want to go in the future relationship wise. I have been doing this for 2 years now, living essentially as a single mom/person. How is this going to be if I actually find someone to date or...for heaven's sake... settle down into a serious relationship with. Will I be able to have those weekends with someone else? Do I want someone around when I am being a lazy, movie watching, wine drinking ... er... person? I guess the point is that I am ok with where I am, for the most part. I really think I am. Now if I could just convince my friends to stop forcing me to go on blind dates with serial killer-ish men who are stalking me on because I need the practice!!! Really, I think I am good right now!

Another thing I learned is that if you stay home, have only healthy foods (wine doesn't count) in your house and cook/bake your meals and snacks, trying to eat as clean as possible and still enjoy the weekend, you can actually LOSE 2 lbs. I knew my shorts were looser yesterday and sure enough when I got on the scale today... BOOM Dynamite... 2 more freaking pounds!!!! The clean eating stuff is really working and I am NOT even doing it 100% of the time... I am so not perfect. Again I say, imagine what I could do if I were really going hardcore. How to I obtain more of this quality??? Where can I buy it? Oh well, I am working on this.

Anyway, cheers to a short week and so looking forward to my birthday on Saturday!!