I keep waiting, day after day, and trying really hard to stay positive and upbeat... focused on all of the good things in my life. But God F&%^$# Damn this shit is getting hard!!! Flipped the calendar to the new page last week and again I evaluate, take stock and see which direction I am going in. I really think I am completely standing still in most areas of my life but not for lack of trying to move forward, simply for lack of focus. I can't focus... I CAN'T FINISH ONE DARN THING!!!!! I know everyone struggles with this on some level but I struggle with it on the large scale, the huge things, the most important things in my life. I get everything about 3/4 done and something happens to derail me and there I sit. My best friend is trying hard to push me in the right direction. I feel like the two old ladies in Steel Magnolias, I am definitely Shirley MacLaine aka "Weeza"... pissed off and angry all the time over all the crap in my life that isn't quite the way I want it to be and all of the idiots I have to suffer through. Here's a list of what I really need to accomplish and soon:
1. Complete my divorce.
2. Pack up my house and 11 years worth of shit.
3. Complete my divorce.
4. Run, Train, Run... get ready for the mud run my dumb ass just signed up for.
5. Don't feel guilty about Me time, take it as needed.
6. Eat Clean. I feel so much better, not even funny.
7. Find a new house to live in where we can all be happy.
I guess I could go on and list a hundred more things but just the highlights for today. Have been thinking about this stuff all week and the conclusion I have come to once again is that the sky is not falling today. Let's face it, everything I do I do at a snails pace. I don't know if it's good or bad but it is just the way I do. It absolutely infuriates a lot of people that I don't get excited and go crazy about stuff, but I don't. I have to think, to plan, to do things slowly and deliberately. I admit that I do get in my own way because of this an awful lot. With this slow deliberation sometimes comes the tendency to just over think to the point that I become a little paralyzed but the inability to make a decision to go in a definite direction. I am working on that... slowly:)