Go to your happy place....

on
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
I tell myself this now at least 15 to 20 times a day. Sometimes it works and I go to the beach and I picture myself marrying my friend Matthew for some reason. I don't know why because he is at this point just an online buddy up in Chicago but we joke about getting married. I'm always wearing a little white lace strapless short dress with some flowers in my hair and he is cupping my face and kissing me. This lowers my blood pressure.... most of the time. Yesterday it worked but just not so quickly as the nurses at my cardiologist would have liked.
I had my carotid and renal artery ultrasounds yesterday... oh joy. Just like the pregnancy ultrasounds only pushing all up and down my neck and then across my stomach sides and back. I started out looking at the technicians face trying to see what she saw and then at the screen looking for I don't know what... cause it all looks the same to me but I quickly gave up and stared at the ceiling and then just closed my eyes and tried to forget where I was. It is scary... not knowing what the hell is wrong with me. I have to wait 2 weeks till my next doctors appointment to find out. Sooo here's my theory at the moment. Surely the ultrasound techs know when they see something that is alarming or really bad right? They wouldn't let me walk out of the office and wait 2 weeks to see the doctor if I was about to drop dead right??? But I am worried none the less and I am distinctly feeling like I need to go to my happy place with a dose of xanax and a chardonnay chaser. Don't judge me....

Speaking of happy places, yesterday was my beautiful son's 11th birthday. I made the most awesome and perfect white chocolate raspberry cheesecake which was his special request. I really outdid myself with this one. He said it was his best birthday cake ever. Which is exactly why I do what I do... keep going every day.

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