The Secret is Not Working For Me & Reality Can Suck It

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Remember a few years ago when The Secret was like the hottest new age quackery philosophy going? There was the book and the DVD's and the seven fools gurus touting that shit?? I always try to be a little more zen and at least be open to these ways of thinking but it never seems to quite work out for me in reality. According to the secret if we simply visualize the things we want... over and over again... they will eventually come to us. The universe will bring them to us. Hmmm.... Really??

Clearly...The Universe hates me. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I am blessed beyond words in all the ways that really matter. I have more than most and definitely more than I deserve but there are always a few tiny things that could help make my life a little easier. These are the things as I understand the secret, that you can visualize into reality, right? No. Not right... Wrong Wrong Wrong. 
Some examples...

When I visualize what I want my body to look like when I finally get it all together I see something like this....

Thank you Flashdance and Jennifer Beals for ruining my 13 year old girl body image for the rest of my life thinking that this was actually achievable. The reality is probably closer to something like this...

Ok I'm not quite Melissa McCarthy but you get my point. But it's the 3rd day of my diet bet and I lost 3 lbs. so maybe old flashdance stripper chair girl is one step closer. 

I am irritated with the universe today. Sunday is my birthday and I am starting to get that crappy feeling that nothing really special is going to happen for yet another year. And I guess what I mean by that is I am another year older and I am still alone. And there's nothing like a birthday to remind you that you got no man in yo' life. The good news is that this year I am divorced which I was not on my last birthday. This in effect makes me one step closer in a weird way to having a man... one that I actually want that is.  See in my mind I was visualizing this birthday going something like this...

or I would even settle for some clean fun like this...

Cause in my mind I can clearly do this and do it well. 

But as I previously mentioned the universe hates me and any hopes I had of having any schnick schnak fun like that this weekend came to a screeching halt today. So I will once again look more like this come the annual celebration of Amy...

or possibly like this...

 cause I have the best girlfriends ever and they won't let me wallow in Ben & Jerry's Late Nite Snack alone... I do love my girlfriends. So I really don't think the visualization thing is working all that well for me but I am going to keep on thinking about checks in my mailbox instead of bills, smaller clothes in my closet because the bigger ones don't fit, a man in my life that is good and can't get enough of me because all of those things are totally possible right??? Because in my mind I am still more this... 

and less this...

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