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The Blog Baton

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Hey my loves!! Just a quick heads up to come see me over on Instagram Thursday at The Blog Baton. I will be taking the reins from Miss Mason for the day and I couldn't be more excited. If you are interested in your 15 minutes of blogger fame please hit her up and she will get you set up with your very own date on the calendar! Just click here for the deetz!

So look for me @TheBlogBaton on Instagram for Thursday only (usually you can catch me @amyrose716) and watch for my regular blog post later on in the day because as ya'll know I am always fashionably late to the soiree!

Later Days!

Cause Wednesday's are for HUMPING...

And confessing with Kathy so here we go...

I confess that if I comment on your blog and you don't ever respond I will keep commenting for awhile on purpose. Short comments but I want to see if you are really one of those bloggers that never reply. And if you are we can't be friends... cause you suck...

I am secretly pissed off at the guy in my office who sits next to me and takes a smoke break once an hour. It really burns my ass every time he gets up and disappears for 10 minutes.  That is next level bullshit if you ask me. And I am a former smoker.

I confess I went out for drinks with a former co-worker and another couple last weekend. A little freaked out that it seemed like a double date... cause I really like this guy... like a brother. He brought me a new flask too... he really knows me too.... le sigh....

I need to start running again, cause running murders fat. But I hate it. But my ass loved it! And of course in my mind I look like this when I'm running.

My ex-husband who doesn't pay child support or work, asks me for gas money if I ask him to come over and fix something for me and I confess....I laugh at him.

I ran out of gas the other day... I did... for the first time in my life. One of my girlfriends hubs came to my rescue. Not my finest moment but on the other hand... check it off the list! Done!

I lost another tennis match on Sunday. Rage... I hate losing.

And I must confess that I am easily amused and I waste way too much time looking at funny shit on Vine and Tumblr... for you guys of course... like this...

and this....

Happy Humpday Hookers!

Vodka and Soda

Meal Prepping Like a Rockstar

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

So ya'll know I have been trying my damnedest to get my arse back in the fitness groove and I have been doing fairly well. Especially with food which is obviously a huge battle for me and anyone that struggles with weight. I have not been great at meal prep in the past which has been a bit of a downfall but I am getting better. And let me tell you what.... it is a huge, like majorly big game changer for me. Because as I have told you all countless times... I am inherently lazy. 

But on the other hand I like to cook and thinking up new things to eat that are super healthy and yummy and pretty to look at gives me a major fitness boner. But it doesn't do a damn bit of good if you're lazy like me and you have to cook and think of these delicious meals 3 times a day 7 days a week.  Because then I start thinking roller food at the QT is sounding pretty good by noon on Tuesday... Buffalo Chicken Taquitos anyone? Jalapeno Cheese Dog? 

So meal prepping, as trendy as it sounds, is really the best way to stay on track for me. So here are a few things that are working for me and will help you acquire my rock star meal prep status. 

1. Get Smart - Are you meal prepping to lose weight or just to be healthy? Are you trying to eat clean? Paleo? Counting calories? Whatever your approach and desires are do a little research and see what other people are doing. Thru the magic that is Pinterest I find new things to eat all the time that fit into my lifestyle that I didn't even know I liked or thought about eating. Here's a great YouTube video I found from @BiteSizedFitness on Instagram to help get you started thinking in this direction. 

2. Buy a Food Scale - It only really works for me if I am paying attention to portions. I like the 3 oz. of protein theory and maybe 4 oz. of good carbs if you are eating them. Put your container right on the scale and weigh it before you fill it. I have a scale that zeros out if you put the container on it then turn on the scale so if you are  math challenged like me you don't have to add anything. 

3. Lists, Bulk and Sales - Make a list and check the sales. I buy what's on sale in the protein family. If it's pork I do shredded pork. If it's chicken I stock up and fill the freezer for the next week too. Grocery stores are so competitive now you can really get healthy, real food at great prices if you just look! And Costco is a lifesaver. I love portioning out snacks for my kids and I that I purchase here. Why on earth would I buy 100 Calorie packs of Cheez-Its or Goldfish (for them) when I can make my own using little ziplocs or better yet small reusable gladware??? Nuts and seeds are my go to snack and you really can't beat Costco prices on that!

4. Food Storage - Have the containers you need on hand and ready to go. There are so many options her but the key is have them. You don't want to be hunting random lids and shit when your food is done and ready to portion out. I am trying to make the switch to all glass for anything that will go in the microwave so I have invested in some sets of Pyrex with the lids that don't leak and have a tab to vent steam.  

5.  Pick Your Prep Day - Sunday's haven't been working for me because I play tennis with my ladies,  so I do mine on Monday night right now. That gets me thru the work week and that's really my main goal. My BFF and I keep saying we are going to try a big joint prep day and assembly line some meals for the whole family like a dinner or two. Right now I mostly prep breakfasts (fresh fruits & nut butters, hard boiled eggs or egg muffins) lunches (protein & veggies, jar salads) snacks and that's about it but it's working and takes away my need to think about anything food related. Which for me is huge because I am one of those freaks that literally spends way to much time thinking about her next meal!

I could not stop laughing at this...

Do you meal prep? What are your best tips & tricks?

One man's trash is actually... crap....

Monday, April 28, 2014

So this is how my garage sale weekend started out. I had a grand plan to price all my crap to sell this weekend. So on the way home from work I picked up the requisite stickers and boxed wine for my bestie and I to get the job done and ready for the big sale on Sat. Cause they said that if you have prices on everything people will be more likely to buy it right? Wrong. And guess what? I don't really want to sell my shit for a quarter or 75 cents. So... grand plan number 2... everything's a dollar at my garage sale cause everything I have is at least worth that little much right? Wrong again Batman. I didn't even sell a fraction of what I had out there but I did sell some big ticket items and I got rid of some  serious garbage some of which was mine and some my exes... oh hellz yeah I did. I donated quite  a bit to some youth home at the end of the day Saturday and took a big haul to Goodwill today. It feels really good to just get rid of stuff. I have a long way to go but I am getting there. 

I sold a foosball table, a broken go cart, a rusted out refrigerator dolly, a nasty old white couch, a few cookbooks, some kid clothes, a few toys, shoes, a toy horse barn random dishes and kitchen stuff. It was really weird to me what people were looking for. I don't get it. I got to sneak in a little adult time too with some friends listening to a good band on Saturday night, my reward for garage sale hell all day on Saturday.

Here is my big takeaway from this weekend. If you can, have an annual garage sale. My neighborhood has them twice a year and if I had been doing this for the last 13 years I've lived here I wouldn't have all the crap I have now. But... lesson learned. I was busy living life and having babies and acquiring unGodly amounts of shee-aht along the way. Never again. 

My other takeaway is if you are the poorest person living way beyond their means in ur neighborhood people might not want your crap... when your neighbor is selling Louis Vuitton bags at her garage sale. I shit you not. Get the fuck outta here. 

So with the garage sale booty we got some fish (we bartered a rope hammock for a fish tank)....

Sidebar....Did you know you can get a pet rat and train it? Huh.... da fuq? Who has a trained pet rat? Who writes a book on this shit? Can you train your pet rat to solve a Rubik's Cube? I way digress...

Some snacks at QT, and a really nice family dinner at Carrabas. And that was the kid's choice cause we NEVER eat out anywhere even remotely pricey anymore. I mean never. And it was pretty damn good. The kids really enjoyed every bite and the time we spent together! 

Happy Monday Everybody!

Friday Favorites - Yoga For Winos

Friday, April 25, 2014
Hello Friday I am soooo glad you are here! Big exciting weekend planned. Garage sale tomorrow to get rid of all my crap. Hopefully I make enough for it to be worth wasting half a Saturday on! Since I am not in the mood for anything deep today... and I never say that ba dum tsssss ... let's just go with some funny stuff and a song. Linking up with Miss Amanda... Cheers Ladies and enjoy!!!

My Version of Yoga...

Me in a few years....

How I feel after a Fireball shot....

You can't see me in this pic, I'm her best friend standing off to the side laughing at her.

If you're going on my next girls trip you've been warned.

Well alright then, lick me. I'm shameless.

This is why you shouldn't be an adult paper boy. Hahahaha... loser.

Me and my ex husband trying to do basically any project together.

And last but not least let's #backthatazzup with Miss Whit today and Chris Brown cause hoes be Loyal.


Summer Trends I am LOVING!!!

Thursday, April 24, 2014
I wouldn't consider myself a super trendy person but  I do try to stay hip and fresh and pay attention to what's going on at Fashion Week twice a year. Kinda... for a Mom anyway. I look around at a lot of the suburban Mommies in my hood and around town and well... I'm kinda mean. I can't do the trendy jeans with blinged out crosses on the back pockets. I don't dress head to toe in my kids school colors and mascots covered in glitter. And ya know I love glitter. We are in the south after all. I also don't leave the house looking like a  schlumpadinka in house frau sweats and clarks sensible shoes. I have pride and I am a cougar single. (if you don't know what that refers to please click the link, it is one of my favorite words) With the onset of all of the wonderful Etsy shops and online boutiques that advertise their lines on Instagram it seems to me we have no excuses ladies to not be at least a little on trend. So I am going to try a teensy experiment this season based on the things I like that came off the runway and see if I can turn some of these trends into real, wearable, affordable looks for me... the average girl... with curves and a budget!

So here's what I'm diggin on for starters.

Lace & Sheer, Boho & Pastel....

Lace & Sheer - I am a girly girl at heart so this is a no brainer for me. I am also in my 40's so I will not be baring a midriff that has housed 3 human beings any time soon. And my back... well, this might be a good reason to beef up the weight on my lat rows cause sheer in the back is more my style but ain't nobody wanna see back fat. I also love the look of lace... in theory. Heavy crochet on a bikini is gorgeous but would I wear it to the neighborhood pool? Probably not. Lace beach pants on the other hand with a simple tank... definitely. I might not wear them to the grocery store but I feel like the beach and the pool give us permission to be a little out there and more fun with our fashion choices. And beach pants are kinda Boho too... next

Boho & Pastel - I love classic lines and pieces like a great pencil skirt or a tailored blouse but summer just makes me want to put flowers in my hair and jangly bracelets around my ankles and be all boho-fabulous. Maxi skirts in crazy colors, flowy shorts, off the shoulder lacy dresses... perfect for the Georgia heat! I like loose clothes in the summer, no sleeves... ever, simple tanks... boho on the bottom lends itself perfectly to a plain old "wife beater tank". Don't get offended, you guys know what I mean... think old Italian men in the Godfather. And then there is pastel... which I also love in theory. When I wear it I feel like my 8 year old daughter. But I love the look so this is going to be my challenge trend because 90% of my wardrobe staples are black or beige or a bright bold color... no mint or pink or peach. But let's face it, does anything look better with a tan?

So there you have it and now the fun part... bargain shopping and maybe some attempts at fashion blogger-type posts with pictures of me rocking the above mentioned trends. This is also going to motivate me to stay on track with muh fitness... Bonus. Cause I ain't takin no fatty pics and posting them up in hurrrr! See how I did that???

What trends are you diggin on for summer? 

Humpday Confessions

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Humping along with Kathy today for weekly confessions. Here goes nothin!

I confess....

I have this one post that has gotten thousands of hits and I can't figure out why. And I'm about to write a sequel to it.

I'm thinking about getting a roommate. My Mom actually suggested if I had a "friend" who might want to be a roommate it would be "ok with her". Aghhghhhhhhh.... awkward!!!!!!

I want my next tattoo really bad and I am having a heck of a time deciding between designs. Hearts are my thing so I am thinking kids initials in a heart  , kids names in a heart or heart on my hand where I am from in MI. And about 10 other things... arrows, anchors, cupcakes....


Over the course of last weekend I ate a whole one of these. But I counted it in MFP and I exercised and earned the calories. It was worth it. Shit is cocaine.

I get irritated when I have to do word verification to comment on someones blog. And if you are a no-reply blogger. Why must your irritate me so?

I've eaten out twice this week, which is bad. But I made good choices, which is good. I am proud of myself for not taking the fat girls way out!

I am about to get my effing broken oven fixed and this is the first thing I'm baking when I do. Funfetti....And then I will shove it in my face.

If you are not watching The Peoples Couch on Bravo you are missing out. It's hilarious. Watch it. Real peeps giving play by play of the shows we all watch. And making fun of them. Love. It.

I'm really digging this gluten free thing. My tummy trouble is pretty much gone. And that gelato up there is GF. Bonus.

I need some new blush but I don't want to spend the $$$ for my fave Nars Super Orgasm. Someone please find me a good dupe! I like the glitter.

I'm doing my first product review very soon and they gave me extra schwag for a giveaway and a discount code. Details coming soon! I'm stoked!!!

Now go hump someone and show them you care!


The Marrying Kind - I'm Not, Are you?

Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Well it's that time of year again... wedding season. Which always makes me ponder the whole marriage thing. And I'm not against it, not at all, but I'm not really for it either. I'm the Switzerland of marriage.

Men are the marrying kind. They are. They don't do well alone most of them. My ex had a girlfriend before we were even divorced... that stung. I don't know how much before, it wasn't the cause of our divorce or anything but he didn't spend any time single. Not one minute. He didn't want to be alone at all. In fact, more than one of my guy friends/acquaintances spent pretty much no time waiting around after their divorces. They all mostly moved right on to the next serious relationship and a lot of them the next marriage within a very short time. Dafuq?

What am I missing? I am in no hurry and I know anyone reading this is going to say "take your time, it's all good, no rush" but I'm just not sure I'm the marrying kind. People get all nutty when I say that because I was married for 17 years.  How could I not be suited to marriage or conscious coupling? Surely if that were true I would have divorced a lot sooner. I think I got married because I wanted kids and everyone else was getting married. I was in love too... oh yeah that.  But it was really hard, a lot of it, and I stuck it out because we made a family. And people don't like to hear that either... it seems to make them uncomfortable cause everyone wants to believe in the power of love. Love schmove. Marriage is hard... like bust your balls every day  hard sometimes and I am inherently lazy. I would rather do what I want than what someone else wants to do 90% of the time. Not good for marriage. I guess that makes me inherently selfish too and I can keep all of these qualities in check and I did for the sake of my marriage. But now... at this point in my life... IDGAF (there it is again). But I miss diamonds.... truth. I would like some more of those.

I don't think I will ever have the burning desire to get married again. I can think of  3 divorced friends of mine who have not remarried quickly... 3. More than half of my married friends aren't even all that  happy. All the other people I know who are divorced are either remarried or in a committed relationship of some sort. Most of them seem happy too... good for them. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have that special person in my life. For example, I let my mind go there on Friday night when I got home from work to an empty house save the dog. I thought what if there was a Mr. Wonderful there or on the way over? Would I like it or would I be annoyed that I couldn't slob on the couch with a glass of wine? Cause a man would probably want dinner which would require getting my ass off the couch ... no bueno. Or maybe he would cook me dinner? Very bueno. That would be nice too but I still like the no muss no fuss of my apple and cheese and glass o wine tuned in to a Dateline 48 Hours Hard Evidence story on how some be-otch faked her own kidnapping to try to frame her husband.   

But I suppose if the right guy came along and I felt that crazy, ridiculous, inconvenient, can't live without each other love then ... maybe. In the news over the weekend was the story of a couple married for 70... yes SEVEN ZERO... years.  They had 8 children. They took care of each other until the very end. She passed away on Saturday at 92. He passed on Sunday, just 15 hours later. How amazing is that? I know you hear about these stories from time to time and it just makes me think... how lucky to have had that kind of love. The love that you literally can't live without. It's so rare. I can't imagine...

Read their story here

What do you think... is marriage like 1000 times harder than you thought it would be?
If you're not married do you want to be?
Would you do it again if it didn't work out the first time?

I realize these are tough questions but just generally... your first inclination... yes or no?

Your favorite future crazy cat lady,