Humpday Confessions

Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Vodka and Soda

Happy Humpday Hookers let's get to the bidness at hand and hump Ryan's face together with Kathy...

I confess I secretly stalk a few people on Facebook who I am not friends with but they are stupid enough to have their pages wide open for all the world of stalkers like me to see. Just because we are not friends or I don't like you or you don't like me doesn't take away from the eensy bit of pleasure I get out of looking at the stoopid shit you say and do. I don't know why I do this, it's really dumb. But I can't stop, won't stop.

I confess I had my very first day-drinking-workday-date last Friday. I had 2 Jack and Diet Coke's and no lunch. I thought we were having lunch because he invited me for lunch and drinks... which I thought was odd but hey... it was Friday. When the waiter asked about our order he (my date) promptly picked up the menus and handed them back saying "we are just drinking". Through the course of our drinking date he offered up that one of the reasons for his divorce was that his ex-wife thought he drank too much.  I went back to work with a tiny buzz, very hungry and promptly deleted him from my phone.

I confess I really fucked up my fitness challenge over the weekend. And I feel bad, I ate some serious shit I shouldn't have eaten because I was so tired and busy and I didn't have a plan in place. I so want to kick myself in the ass for being so dumb! So when the coach from my fitness challenge asked us to post progress pics on our private facebook group page yesterday and no one did, I did, to punish myself. And still none of the other wimps did it.  FML... so I'm the only one who bared their pork choppery for all the group to see. Moving on.

I confess there are two people in my office having a highly inappropriate relationship and I straight up want to murder them. Not because what they are doing is wrong but because they are bringing it to work and they sit next to and behind me respectively. Stop fucking touching each other!!!! Oh yeah and maybe get some actual work done and stop acting like hormonal teenagers... we see you!!!

Anchorman Movie animated GIF

And I confess that sometimes I stay online dating just for the entertainment factor. I have been on and off for long enough to see some of the same people pop up over and over again. Like blogging friends, you get to know some of them not IRL. I bumped into one of those recently and I got the best laugh of the day.

Ba dum tsssss.....
19 comments on "Humpday Confessions"
  1. haha best typo ever! I used to FB stalk but now I avoid FB like the plague. And you should have tried day drinking earlier girl!!!

  2. omg best typo ever! im absolutely a facebook and instagram stalker lol oops. haha day drinking - love it but uh yeah that guy has a drinking problem fo sho.

  3. I used online dating for mainby entertainment purposes, the shit guys say is hilarious.

    day drinking date? haha did he even pay?

  4. Oh how I love your confessions . . . my new favorite phrase . . . "pork choppery!"

  5. autocorrect always ruins everything! and by ruin, i obviously mean makes everything awesome.

    thanks for linking up!

    Vodka and Soda

  6. I'm a Facebook stalker too and I get upset one someone privatizes their page, stop that how can I secretly judge you if you hide from me?

  7. Hey Amy!!! I TOTALLY look at other people's FB who may or may not be technically a ''friend'' lolol! It truly is the best thing to see at times lol!! Also, thank god you deleted that guy from your phone.. Who does that right?? And omg sassy co-workers?? At least go on break and screw each other.. jeez lol!!


  8. Nooo, no lunch???? Who invites someone for lunch and drinks and has no lunch? Do not be messing with my food. Haha my mom is doing online dating now, and some of the stuff she sends me from conversations with these guys is hilarious.

  9. That typo... I'm dying! HAHAHAAH!

    Also, I sorta confessed #1 today too -- but I do know them. They are still stupid. And sad. And I'm horrible for thinking that.. still.


  10. Im a FB stalker too...its a bad habit! LOL
    HAHAHA that was the best typo ever!!!

  11. My worst spell check moment? Texting with a guy cow-worker I'm cool with. We're sarcastic and punny. Well this time he said something and I THOUGHT I replied with "I always love a good pun". Except I said "I always love a good pound"

  12. What?! I'm all for a drink at lunch but not drinks BEING your lunch. Wow.

  13. Dude, no lunch! Come on now.

    The relationship people at work would make me stabby.

    Facebook was built for creeping. I think we all do it!

  14. Not even gonna lie... sometimes I want to get an online dating profile JUST for the entertainment! hahaah

  15. I tried stalking my ex on instagram and accidentally followed and promptly unfollowed him. Within the next week his profile went to private. FAIL.

  16. Haha that is the best typo ever! That date sounds like a REEEEAL winner.

  17. love the stalking thing and I admit I do it at times myself. LOL. It's funny how folks put their life out there and its public and they dont realize it.

  18. Omggg I can so relate with your coworker relationship deal. I sat behind this woman who would alllwaaysss call the guy she was banging and do the whole babytalk thing over the phone...shoot me....several times.


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