Humpday Confessions: Annoying Online Dating Things

Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Vodka and Soda

I confess....I have been browsing Plenty of Fish again because I have not gone on any dates since the toothless guy.  So I once again, un-hid my profile. Some times I don't sleep well at night and reading peoples profiles and looking at their stupid pics provides some late night entertainment for me. Like last night.

Yes, I confess, I really only use it for entertainment at this point. But some of the shit I see over and over again really annoys me. So much so that I am seriously considering asking these men to elaborate on a few things that they all say... over and over and over again. Like:

I don't want any drama.  Really? How are women you meet dramatic? Do they slam doors? Huff and puff around? Strike a pose? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?????

No Liars. No Cheaters. No Games. Sometimes I say I'm busy when I'm not. I may or may not pad my Good Will receipts on my tax returns a bit. I am periodically addicted to Candy Crush. Shoot... I guess I'm out. 

Looking for My Best Friend/New Friends. I'm concerned that you have made it this far in life with no best friend and/or are looking to trade in the ones you have. What gives?

Be able to rock a ball cap and/or a little black dress. YOU be able to rock a ball cap and a little black dress, or come up with something more original to say... then we'll talk.

Looking for my last first date. Just shut up. Shut up shut up shut up.

And once again, just when I think I have seen it all something smacks me in the face. I give you the funeral profile pic....

Yes folks, with just a hint of coffin at the graveside over the poor kid's shoulder. I mean what the French is going on here? Do people take (smiling no less) pictures at funerals? Is that a thing? And if so, when did it seem like a good idea to put that on your online dating profile? And whose funeral is this because now my head is spinning with episodes of Snapped and 48 Hours Mystery.

Yesterday I got a message from a self proclaimed "redneck biker" inviting me over to "play in the mud, cook ribs and wings and drink cold Bud Lights" and spend the day at his house. In a town over 100 miles away. Well thanks taterhead1318 but did you just ask me to drive 105 miles ( I googled that shit) to spend the day at the home of a strange man that I have never met?  #thanksbutnothanks  Sorry, I couldn't even bring myself to post a picture of this one.

I confess... all of this makes me very happy to be single. Plus I know you guys eat this shit up. 

Linking up with Kathy

Happy Humpday.

19 comments on "Humpday Confessions: Annoying Online Dating Things "
  1. I am literally crying I am laughing so hard! Thank you for sharing!

  2. "Be able to rock a ball cap or a little black dress"
    ugh seriously people? that funeral picture is ridiculous. people are ridiculous. haha!
    omg drive and hang out at his house? thats a horror murder movie waiting to happen! creep!

  3. LOL. I was on POF for a while and some of the stuff you would see was ridiculous. The come play in the mud and cook ribs thing kills me - really? Hahaha such gems...

  4. And his name is taterhead!?!?!? Oof. Dating is a trip.

    1. Yep that's his screen name... the picture was scary!!!

  5. I miss online dating just bc of the stupid things people do. It's people watchin at it's finest~!

  6. Hilarious! Seriously with the ball cap and LBD? Shut up. You put a LBD on, fool.

    God, a funeral photo?

  7. STOP I AM LAUGHING SO HARD omggg this is great!! keep em coming!!

  8. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about wearing a baseball cap with a LBD.... just me? I'd also probably wear chucks with that outfit. I'm still single though, so that's OBVIOUSLY not what men are actually looking for in a ladyy

  9. Good lord that photo - and that man who invited you to what would have been the best date of your life (only kidding) sounds terrifying lol!

  10. 1. smiling pic at a funeral
    2. posting a picture of your kid on a dating website.


    more proof that I will voluntarily be single in my next life and simply avoid the headaches of dating and the eventual headache of managing a successful marriage.

    I must need coffee because I sound truly lazy here.

    1. Not lazy... that shit is a lot of work. I did it for a long time with unsuccessful results! But at least I tried it once:)

  11. my friend was on POF and we judged the hell out of those profiles! it was so funny :)

    thanks for linking up!
    Vodka and Soda

  12. Would your first date be at a cemetery? Or is it so sad that the only time he sees his son is at life and death events? What was that guy thinking?

  13. I blogged about my horrible dates on MySpace back in the day. Back then was the popular site for online dating...I had some bad, bad dates, but no toothless guys. One date had a foot fetish and stared at my feet the whole date. Another guy spent a half an hour complaining about how his ex gave him herpes. I actually found after a while if I knew I could blog about it, I'd get out there and meet people...and that's what led me to meet my husband. Otherwise, I probably would have become a hermit. Keep trying! There are good ones out there, I just have to go on a lot of bad dates to find them.

    1. Oh I have been on tons of bad dates. I am still trying sort of half-assed, but trying. Just not taking it all too seriously. It will happen when it's supposed to!

  14. NUH UH someone did NOT post a photo of them at a funeral!!! Lordy this post just had me rolling. They wonder why they're still single...sigh.

  15. I feel like men think EVERYTHING is drama. Even a long serious conversation between girls is "drama" to them. Idiots.

  16. oh lordy he did not post a pic of him at a funeral. I have now seen it all! o.O


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