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XLVIII Super Bowl Special Edition Link Up

on
Friday, January 31, 2014
Venus Trapped in Mars

I love football. I love men. I love dancing.  I love Sarah from Venus Trapped In Mars. So in honor of that and the Superbowl I bring you a post about the hot men that can both dance and play football. Celebration dance that is, cause for me personally any man that can dance automatically gets major points in my book. And we all know how amazing football pants make their asses look. So here are a few of the good ones from my perspective... the I want to see you work dat ass in dose pants perspective.

And since I am a Lions fan I am going to kick off (see what I did there) with Joseph Fauria and his assortment of sexy moves. This guy just looks like fun is his middle name on and off the field if ya catch my drift. 


And how about  the Carlton...


Or the TerRio....


And Jacoby Jones doing the Ray Lewis...


And how about a little Gangnam style by my Falcons...

gangham-style

And since I adore Peyton and there are no gifs of him dancing I bring you a gif of one of his funniest moments ever on SNL teaching under priveleged kids how to play football. If you have never seen it GTS now. It is hilarious.


Good Luck Broncos!! Peyton I love you... call me!


Snowpocalypse 2014- Yolanda Be Cool!!

on
Thursday, January 30, 2014

In case you hadn't heard Atlanta got pummelled on Tuesday by a whopping 3 inches of snow . It was PANDELERIUM folks!!!! No seriously. It completely crippled the city. My kids school announced an early release day at 7:30 that morning in anticipation of the storm and thank God they did. Kids that were slated to dismiss at regular times got stranded at school. I can't imagine not being able to get to my babies and having to leave them at school all night. I am from the North... Michigan, where snowy winters are the norm and it still took me an hour and a half to make my 10 minute drive home at 1:30 in the afternoon. One of my co-workers from across town took 16 hours to get home. He rolled in at 6:00 a.m. the next morning. And I know everyone laughs at what happens here in the south but we are just not equipped for it. The worst part is it usually starts with rain or sleet laying down a thick coat of ice before the snow falls. We don't have snow plows or salt trucks. Makes it pretty tough to keep the roads safe for travel. Top that off with folks that panic and all hit the roads at once and you have a recipe for southern fried snowy cluster fuck.

On the bright side the kids have been off for 2 and a half days of wintertime fun. Trudging up and down the streets, sledding in the golf course, making snow angels. Also eating me out of house and home, tracking in endless amounts of snow, ice and grass, packs of children in and out and my dryer running constantly trying to thaw out frozen shoes, gloves, underwear... you name it!

And on a super fun man-friend note I had my soldier checking in on me and delivering food (cause he said he didn't want me to drive). How sweet is that??? I tell you, this one has real potential. My two youngest kids met him and they know his kids so it was kind of weird but cool, him being a Dad to kids they know I think makes him totally non-threatening. He is going to come watch me play tennis Sat. with my ladies team USTA playoffs. No one ever comes to watch me or cheer me on!!! Major points for that too. Can ya tell I'm a little excited?? Someone tell me to just be cool hunny bunny. Yolanda Be Cool.




And this here about sums up my last 48 hours. I could use a few more days like this!



And if you are thinking I broke my wine resolution you would be correct. Desperate times call for desperate measures my friends.

Cheers!

Snow in the South

on
Wednesday, January 29, 2014

I am snowed in. The kids are hogging my laptop and I am posting from my phone which I have never done before. So I have no idea how this will turn out.
School is cancelled again for tomorrow because there is so much ice still on the roads. I'm not going out. Getting ready for a big fire and some home made chili delivered to me by soldier boy himself... the new soldier boy. He has 4 wheel drive. Of course he does. This is the best snow day ever :-) Well only one thing could make it better... bow chicka wow wow... Wine. I'm out.
See you all tomorrow lovies!!

Same Trailer Different Park - How I am Like Mama June... or not

on
Tuesday, January 28, 2014


1. She became a grandmother at 32. Mama June's first daughter, Anna "Chickadee" Shannon, had "Baby Kaitlyn" during the first season of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" at the age of 18
Me - I had one Grandmother at 32... close enough

Me - I had lasik surgery once... it's wearing off now
3. Mama June is rarely seen without socks. She has what her family calls "forklift foot," due to an accident and therefore, she usually keeps her socks on.
Me - I hate feet... like really, really hate feet... blech
4. She can't drive. Mama June doesn't drive ... except the occasional go kart.
Me - I hate go karts

5. Bingo is her vice.
Me - There is a bar by my house that has Bingo on Tuesdays... it's fun. I drink there. 
6. She loves to "crop dust" people.
Me - I don't know what this means but I don't think I do it. 

7. She is scared of mayonnaise (or "marannaise"). Mama June has a fear of white condiments, mayo in particular.
Me - I am going to start calling it "marannaise" from now on. 


8. She's a commitment-phobe. Mama June doesn't like the word "marriage." She's only had one other long-term relationship besides her current one with Sugar Bear. The two had a commitment ceremony in May.


Me - I am a commitment phobe but I could use me a Sugar Bear.
9. Mama June and Sugar Bear met in an online chat room designed for hookups.
Me - I have met people on line who I unfortuantely hooked up with. 
10. Her nickname is Coupon Queen.
Me - My nickname is Wine Drinking Slut

11. Each of her four children has a different father. Sugar Bear is Alana's biological father.
Me - All of my kids have the same biological father... I will never learn.

12. Since "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" started, Mama June has lost more than 100 pounds.
Me - Since "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" started, I have lost precious time and IQ points I can never get back. 

Wait.... What?

And then I ate....

on
Monday, January 27, 2014
So if you look at the pics I took this weekend it appears all I did was eat. And that is somewhat accurate but I really didn't eat that much in between the times these pics were taken cause I was busy doing a whole lotta nothing exciting. Winter is so weird. Everyone kind of hibernates around these parts. I feel like we are all still recovering from the holidays, paying bills, regrouping. 

I had kids this weekend so not much was planned in the way of fun stuff but I did manage to sneak out for dinner and too many cocktails with one of my favorite girlies at one of my favorite restaurants on Saturday night. If you are ever in Atlanta you must go to Kozmo Gastro Pub. It is absolutely off the chain delicious food and hip fun atmosphere. And it's out here in the burbs but you feel like you are downtown. 

We shared Tempura Green Beans for an appetizer, I had Sweet Potato Hash for dinner followed by Pineapple Upside Down Cake which we also shared. A friend who saw my Facebook check in called in to the owner and had Champagne sent to our table... nothing like feeling a little VIP love!


I also tried to get a little tattoo as we were right next door to a pretty well know tattoo shop I have been wanting to check out. I figured it would have taken like 5 minutes cause the 2 things I want next are super small but they wouldn't do it. They don't tattoo fingers at this place... bummer cause everyone has them now. So that was about it for this weekend. My new soldier boy better officially ask me out this weekend cause I got no kids and I am anxious to hang with him. (we actually kind of sort of know each other from kids at school but just in passing) He's been calling on the daily which surprisingly enough is not completely annoying me. He is really cool and fun to talk to. Yay! So keep your fingers crossed and offer up a prayer to the sex gods that we at least have some chemistry. God I could use some!!!

And that's all she wrote!

Hope ya'lls weeks are off to a stellar start. Damn after all that I am hungry!

What did everyone else eat this weekend?


It's Freakin Cold In Atlanta....

on
Friday, January 24, 2014



Well good mornin to ya'll from a chilly south today. It was 13 degrees on my way to work and that is just a tad on the cold side. I am so ready for the weekend. Gonna be a quiet one as we hunker down and just stay warm. The girls have plans tomorrow so I get to have a Mother -Son night with my main man tomorrow. He has requested burgers and fries so.... twist my arm looks like we are going to Burger Fi ... 
I'll try to be good but if you have ever been there you know it's really effing hard. 

Really fucking hard....

And those bastard's over at Plenty of Fish are still trying to keep the woman down but I got thru the back door ...hey hey ... and crafted myself a nice new profile chock full of sassy goodness. I must have really pissed someone off cause they had me cockblocked but good over there. I had to create a whole new email address and err-thing. I'm still mad, can ya tell? But never fear... there will be more dating stories to come. But on the other hand Mr. Army Guy is providing some good entertainment and seems to be fairly promising albeit a little serious. I think he needs a good dose of crazy shenanigans to loosen his bahooty up. He is so funny, very matter of fact about everything which provides me lots of opportunity for teasing. He definitely doesn't know quite what to make of me... which is hilarious. 

What else.... I heard this on my way in this morning and it is always a jam so let's #backthatazzup on a cold one with some Red Hot Chili Peppers... 

Love Peace and Chicken Grease....







It's National Pie Day

on
Thursday, January 23, 2014
MMMMMM...... Pie......


And I mean come on... who doesn't like pie?  I love it and as a matter of fact I recently changed my POF profile first date idea to read "coffee and pie". Because I think it would be good, easy first date to meet at Waffle House for coffee and a slice. But nooooooo.... some douchebag apparently doesn't think so because somehow my profile got deleted today.  Can you believe that shit??

So I am wondering who reported me and for what? Maybe it was the guy with the beard who looked like Burle Ives with tiny little hands like the Burger King guy.

He sent me his picture and I never responded again cause it freaked me out. Sorry dude. Little hands are a deal breaker. 

Or maybe it was the guy who said "let's roll in the hay just to see if we are compatible". Cause he's still there. Or maybe it was the guy whose screen name is ClitAddict69 and offered to be "at my service" or how about the guy whose aka is RamRodRawsilk... maybe it's him, he liked my mouth and I told him thanks but no thanks. I am irritated. Mostly because I follow the rules online and there are tons of  dickwhistles out there who blatantly don't but whatever. 

In other news I did meet another nice guy who seems to have real, as in real life potential. The funny thing is we met online but we live in the same school district and we have already figured out that our kids know each other. How weird is that?? I'm kind of excited about this one. He's ex-Army, which I love . Slim chance an 12 year Army Ranger is going to be a lazy self indulgent giant pussy. So needless to say I am looking forward to getting to know him better. What do you guys think? Who has experience with a military guy? What do I need to know?

And it really is National Pie Day 2014 see...


I'm guessing a woman was in charge of this ad campaign because Josh Brolin with his hands in a peach pie does not make me think about putting a slice of pie in my mouth... just sayin. 

Humpday Confessions

on
Wednesday, January 22, 2014

I confess....

I prefer no one in my office talk to me or ask me to do anything in the morning before I have my coffee and read my email. I want to kill them when they do. And God help you if you enter my cube.


In the wintertime I  only shower every other day. My skin gets so dry I feel like a lizard. And I am so lazy in the morning I want to sleep as long as possible.  If you see me wearing the ponytail, I'm on day two.

I really like Twitter but I don't 100% get it. How exactly do people get so many followers? Do they all pay for them? I'm not paying for that when I could have shoes... or makeup. And who has time to tweet all day long? And how are some people so damn funny? Please esplain it to me....

I am averaging a home cooked meal for my family about once maybe twice a week. The rest of the time it's cereal, toast, chef boyardee or Mac and cheese. But I do pack them all a big healthy lunch every day.

I hate laundry so much and I am always so behind on getting it put away, we pretty much live out of baskets and the dryer in our house. We are a no fold family and always wrinkled, but clean. Priorities. 

I am the most slack ass Girl Scout Cookie Mom that ever was. I laugh at all the other Mom's who take it seriously and make it a huge part of their lives. I prefer to go to the bar for a drink before attending the Mom meetings. Seriously. My best friend and I are doing it together for the second year in a row and I am pretty much making her do everything.  I did say I would come up with some cute accessories for them to wear at the cookie booth though. What do you guys think about this? The other Mom's will have a shit fit when they see this bahahahaha!



Let's Talk About Waxing ....

on
Tuesday, January 21, 2014

...Brazilian waxing to be exact. Cause I don't feel like talking about anything serious this week. Now you might argue that waxing the bizness is some serious business.  The kind that evokes terror in the hearts of women folk and unspeakable delight in the minds of men. And if you don't believe me about the men part I have proof. On the dating site OkCupid they ask users to answer questions in an effort to help match them up scientifically. Now, there are thousands of questions and you can answer any and as many or as few as you want. The one question that I have seen about 99.9% of men answer the same way is "How do you like your partner to keep their pubic hair"  and they pretty much all answer "completely shaved". I swear to God! This doesn't really surprise anyone does it? Doesn't surprise me at all cause we are not in 1985 if ya know what I mean.
 For God's sake if they were ok with being photographed with a satin camel toe what else were they ok with  down there??? Yeah... they liked it a little wild back in the day.

But I don't. I have been Brazilian waxing for about 4 years now and I have to say I LOVE IT. I have converted a few of my friends and scarred a few others for life. But, like most things I think everyone should try it once. We groom everything else, why would we neglect the sacred V and let it go hell in a bushbasket? You shouldn't, so let me de-bunk some common fears for you...

1. THAT SHIT HURTS

Ok, this one is not a myth, shit actually hurts but not for long and it gets better the more you go. Truth... the more you rip it out the less and less grows back. And if you have a good esthetician she will be quick and keep the torturous strips to a minimum.

2. IT'S EMBARRASSING

If you've had kids just think of how many people have had their hands and heads up in your business during that shit show. This is nothing compared to that. Trust me, when I first started going it completely freaked me out that they waxed the back too. I was like "aww hell naw" when she said flip over and spread em. Her response was "I see 18 of these a day, it's no big deal". And then I thought well, when you put it that way. And if you haven't had kids yet then you should be waxing and vajazzling those nether regions cause I can promise you they will never look better.

3. IT'S PORNO

Well porn stars definitely do it... and what's your point? Not anything everything porn stars do is bad... and men are very visual so you will be rewarded for your efforts. Have some fun with it. Look at all the cool things you can do with your Betty.
I myself go playboy every time. But I don't like any hair anywhere and I figure go big or go home. Now if you live in the Atlanta area... one stop shopping at Brazilian Wax by Andreia... seriously they are the best in town. And if you don't live here do your research and make sure you find a reputable place... and a nice pretty one too.





Cause I don't know about you but if I'm about to spread my legs for a stranger I want to be waiting on a leather couch under a crystal chandelier. I just feel better.
 And they also offer the Vajazzle....




Just in case you thought you'd seen everything.

Any questions?

Elbows Are Important

on
Monday, January 20, 2014


I have the worst case of tennis elbow and I feel like an old woman. Who knew that every muscle in your arm connects directly to and hinges on the use of your elbow. That statement makes me sound like a complete idiot because well... of course it does you fool! I played a 3 set tennis match yesterday pushing thru the pain get excruciatingly worse for the win. And today I am really regretting it. I first felt the injury coming on 2 weeks ago as my two teams seasons were overlapping and I played back to back Sat. & Sun. matches. I should have stopped and rested for 2 weeks but nooooo. Now I have no choice. I can't pick up my coffee cup and bring it to my mouth, couldn't push down the pump to spray hairspray this morning (apparently the index finger is connected to the elbow). Ouchy... this really blows. It also means that for the duration of the #jmdvdchallenge I can't lift weights with my right arm which sucks too. But hey... I won a really hard match yesterday even though my arm was about to fall off. 

I also made my favorite breakfast from childhood on Saturday morning cause I had no where to go and nothing to do but curl up on the couch with hot coffee, eggs, toast and the dog. Whitney made it a few weeks ago and it reminded me how good it is. My Dad used to make it for us and he called it the One-Eye cause it kinda looks like an eye starring at ya.  So here's what you need:

2 eggs
2 pieces of bread ( I like rye)
Butter for all sides of your bread
A shot glass to cut out the hole in the middle of each slice
Seasoning of your choice (I like Cavender's All Purpose Greek Seasoning)

And this is basically how it goes down...


Seriously ya'll it is so good for breakfast, lunch or dinner. 

So other than that my weekend was pretty low key. No dates, minimal stalker texts... just a few here and there to ignore. No PBR... tickets were too expensive. One trip to the dog park so the pup could run for an hour solid. Kids were with Dad so Amy got to be lazy, which I love. Sometimes I think it would be so nice to have someone to be lazy with but then they might annoy the crap out of me just with the sound of their voice... seriously that happens! I actually caught myself shushing the dog this weekend cause he was staring at me. Lol... it's thing like this that lead me to believe I am right where I need to be. Enjoying my time.

Hope everyone had a great weekend and Cheers to a great week!

When The Freaks Come Out

on
Friday, January 17, 2014

Well thank God this week is over. Does anyone else believe in the power of the full moon? I swear to God, once I started paying attention to it I know it was my ex-husband's time of the month. He was absolutely freaking coo coo for cocoa puffs when there was a full moon! And there was one this week and I for one noticed an extra special dose of crazy people up in hurrr. 

I'll just lead with my best example... a man... let's call him K... to protect his sorry pathetic excuse of an identity. (If you live in Atlanta and you are online dating I'll private msg. you his name so you can steer clear!) Anywhoodles, K and I have been chatting on and off for about 10 days which is nearing the end of my limit to either meet in person or keep it movin. He has been telling me how he can't wait to hang out in person, go out, meet, blah, blah, blah. But he has yet to ask so you can imagine my confusion a couple days ago when he started talking about hanging out (at my house) all this coming weekend. I called him out on it and suggested we set up a date to meet.... cause we hadn't yet met. I kind of got the "yeah yeah yeah"  and then a few hours later he started calling me. Which I think is weird, cause when you don;'t know someone I think you should ask when is a good time to call. And then he kept calling for a total of 8 times in 24 hours. This is a 35 year old man folks!!! Who does that?? Maybe it was the full moon! Buh bye!

In sad news... my Cop just texted me and cancelled our date for tomorrow because his Mom has the flu and he is going to go stay with her. I guess that's admirable but COME ON!!!!

So on to plan B.... Professional Bull Riding is in town this weekend so a single gal pal and I are going to see if we can wrangle us a cowboy or two tomorrow night. If we can get cheap tickets! I have always wanted see this! There is something so sexy about a man on a bull




And better to #backthatazz up late than never! See ya on the flip side!