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Finish the Sentence with Jake and Holly

on
Friday, February 28, 2014
Hi-Oh party people it's Friday!! Time to put a little bang in your ying yang with.....


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1. I always pick... dicks over chicks. Sorry Ladies.

2. Look at the size of those.... people of Walmart. What do they put in the water?

3. I recently learned that.... chicken drumettes are really chicken wings, not baby drumsticks like I thought. Fuck. Me. Hard. I'm an idiot. 

4.  Only when no one is looking do I.... eat things out of the jar... like peanut butter, nutella, moonshine. 

5. I lost... my virginity. What... I did. Shocker I know.
(you know you wanted to say that too)

6. I was certain I'd be... a member of the British Royal Family so I wore pearls the entire year I was 10.
With everything. True story. 

7. There is not enough.... ways to skin a cat? Wait... no that's wrong...

8. I just finished... choking down some steamed broccoli out of a bag and then I drank... yes drank ...
the cheese sauce. 

9. Why does everyone.... have to be so uptight. Have a drink or 10 already. 

10. It's very rare when I.... sneeze and don't piss myself... I've had 3 kids... this is my life. 

11. If I were a dog... I would pee on my ex-husband, every time I saw him. 

12. I don't believe that... anything is forever. Except for the herpes, I'm pretty sure you're stuck with that. 


Me love you long time Jake and Howleeeee!!!

P.S. All ya'll come sit by me on Monday cause I will have a little giveaway for ya in honor of my 2 crazy years in Blogland.
And before we go, one more thing we have to do on Friday... with Whitney... and Sara Evans ... Slow Me Down

Slow Me Down by Sara Evans on Grooveshark
Love, peace and chicken grease....

My Fave Urban Dictionary Words of the Week...

on
Thursday, February 27, 2014

First one of my classic favorites...

I think everyone should know the meaning of this first one cause I caught 2 of my kids singing along with it this week and I had to tell them to stop it... because it doesn't mean what you think it means and I said so. Ick....
Used in Beyonce's song Drunk in Love referring to a sex position. The sex position is when the male is on the bottom laying and the girl grinds and fucks him as if she was sitting on a surfboard. The song lyric goes..

"Then I fill the tub up halfway then riding with my surfboard
Surfboard, surfboard....Raining on that wood, raining, raining on that wood
I'm swerving on that, swerving, swerving on that big body Benz
Serving all this, swervin, surfing all of this good, good"
Fill the tub halfway and ride it with my surfboard.

Yo, dude she did the surfboard on me last night. I felt like I was fucking Beyonce.


I think we can all relate to this one....
Abbreviation for: you only live once, might as well make it tasty

A phrase used as a means to rationalize an inhumanely high intake of unhealthy but delicious foods or beverages: cake, ice cream, any 'all-you-can-eat' restaurant meal, etc...
Fatass 1: "Dude, you know ihop has ayce pancakes now?"
Fatass 2: "Oh god... we shouldn't... but... yolomawmit."



I say this under my breath a lot when the girl who sits next to me at work is talking...

a phrase used at the end of a story that had really no point to be told to someone. used at the end of boring stories to make them seem more interesting and worthwhile.
"yesterday i went to the fridge and took out a yogurt but put it back and got an apple instead.
...and then i found 5 dollars."



I Google everything... shit works

When you put your troubles at the feet of Almighty Google and find yourself a miracle.
I couldn't get my computer to start and Praise Google Christ! I found the answer and it works!



Saturday.... I will be doing this. 

Taking on the night life after taking care of business during the day.
I am going Batman until the morning after working all day.



Laters,

Hump Day Confessions

on
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
I confess.....

I dyed my hair last night. Sick of the red. Turns out darkest ash brown is pretty much black with a hint of blue. What do you think? Be honest, unless you don't like it then shut the hell up. I scared my son when he walked in on me in the bathroom looking like the picture in the middle. It was awesome:)




I think it is complete bullshit that some companies in Atlanta remained "open" during snowmageddon and forced exempt employees to take personal or vacation time because they couldn't get to work. Let me reiterate.... complete FUCKING BULLSHIT. The city was shut down folks, people were trapped in there cars for hours upon hours!!!!



I didn't quite disable my online dating profiles yet even though I said I was going to take a break. Haven't agreed to any dates yet so I guess I'm still on a break. It's good entertainment. The only guys that are asking me out anymore are like 30-35. WTF. I feel like Mrs. Robinson when I go out with them. I am not sure how I feel about this.



I saw my local Army guy last weekend and now I can say for sure, for sure you cannot tell anything about chemistry via text, phone or any other means but by spending time in person. Long story short... we ain't got it and I was pretty sure we did... until we met. Lesson learned... again... cause I am Polish.



It's Feb. 26 and I can't get my ass in gear in my workout routine. It's excuse after excuse and I feel really bad about it and disgusting. God please send my Juju back!!!! What is wrong with me???
This is what I see in my head...

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But this is closer to reality...

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Happy Hump Day Hookers!!

Oh yeah... I am doing a giveaway on Friday (it's my first time too so be gentle) in honor of my 2 year
Blog-aversary so stay tuned for that and please stop by and enter!!!
I am thinking an Etsy or Target gift card... which would you rather see?


Now hump this... with me and Kathy.

Ryan-Gosling-button

Let's talk Zombie

on
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
And hot men who kill Zombies like Glen, Daryl and Rick.... aren't they cute??? I am not into Asian men but all still bad ass and very do-able.

Is anyone else as addicted to The Walking Dead as I am??? I mean like yelling at the TV addicted?? Well good... let's re-cap then cause this week 's episode was reeeeallly good! We finally got to see all of our favorite characters in one episode again. And it looks like they are catching up to each other or at least crossing paths repeatedly on  the way to Terminus. Finally... is it possible that there could be a place without walkers where they can live in peace? I don't think so but it sounds nice!


And we got some more new characters. Meet  Abraham, Rosita and Dr. Eugene Porter and his mullett (not do-able). 


  


I think he is going to be a refreshingly bumbling but lovable version of our old pal Milton. 


And I think Abraham is going to be the first bad-ass post-apocalyptic Ginger we have seen here yet. He smiles when he kills the walkers. It's kinda sweet! (100% Do-able for a ginger)



Perhaps the best part of all is that we are getting to see some of the more human  and honest parts of our beloved core characters. Michonne and Carl have formed a bond that is almost mother/son-ish and seems to be really good for both of them. She is goofing around with him and they actually seem to be having fun... like buddies. Maggie and Glen really do love each other and their determination to find each other is nothing less than we expected. But there is potential for Glen to get a little wacky though so hopefully he doesn't do something dumb like heat on her with GI Jane. Daryl and Beth are well... surviving. Carol is back and clearly releived that Tyreese has no clue she french fried his girl friend before Rick dumped her off. And what about Lizzie?? This little girl has a bit of the omen in her and it's gonna come out at some point. And poor Rick still can't catch a break. This guy can't even get a freaking nap in a deserted town full of dead people. But he made it out again somehow. 

And I didn't quite get enough of Daryl this week cause I would like to eat him up on the reg. So naturally I had to go looking for a little extra Norman Reedus (the defiinition of do-able) eye candy and I found  this ... gorgeois...


I know it's not for everyone but ... yes please.


Weekend Shenanigans

on
Monday, February 24, 2014



Oh my goodness did we just have a weekend? Cause I don't feel like we did at all. At least I am not feeling like I had any kind of break at all. And let me tell ya why... cause I went  all in, balls to the wall for the last 2 days. Kids, kids, kids. I love them but... whew... they can go away now. We did girl scout cookie crap all freaking weekend long. Being a single parent you gotta understand, when this kind of stuff comes up it's just me. No other parent to shoulder the burden of kids activities. My ex is around but not so helpful in the activity realm. Which makes me want to kill is just the way it is and I have to deal. I am not that Mom who does all of this stuff. I mean I do it but damn, I would so rather be doing what I want to do... there I said it!!! But it's done thank God!!! No more hawking cookies for a year!

I had a little fun with my tennis team on Friday night to celebrate winning division this season. Saturday was birthday parties and selling cookies followed by dinner with friends. Sunday was more cookie selling with my Army buddy and our girls (he's still a big question mark), shopping, the dog park, the playground, the grocery store , grilling some dinner and relaxing withe the kids for a little Walking Dead. Haven't done a pic collage in awhile so here ya go...


I might bitch a lot but it was a good full weekend and as always I am thankful for all of the time I get with my kiddoes. I'm still not looking for a man but a few are still calling so there's hope. Hope for what I don't know.
What did ya'll do this weekend?


Sami's Shenanigans

It's FRIDAY!!!!! Vavoom Shabang

on
Friday, February 21, 2014
I don't know what the hell happened this week. I feel like I blinked and it's over. And I didn't drink at all... hmmmmmm

So to re-cap I am giving up dating for awhile, except tomorrow night my army guy friend wants to meet me and our combined 6  kids for dinner ... wait what??? His idea I'm just along for the ride. And then we are selling cookies together in front of Wal-Mart on Sunday. (Our girls are in Brownies together) But that's not really a date is it? No.  He's weird and I don't understand him or any other man for that matter.



Here's a good one...an extended family member came half way out of the closet on FB this week. And by half way I mean like goes both ways. Who comes out on FB??? The family is in an uproar saying he got hacked. He didn't get hacked. He's still posting stuff, he's just gay. What's the big deal?
I don't think men are really bi... just my opinion.



My ex husband tried to do something nice for me this week by fixing a window that had a softball size hole in it thanks to a stray snowball. I now have a window with no glass in it covered with a piece of plywood on the front of my house like I live in the ghet-to. Thanks a lot.  You suck, as usual. 




And it wouldn't be Friday without #backtahtazzup and Whitney.  My fave Miranda Lambert and her new tune...
Be good bitches and don't do anything I wouldn't do, which doesn't leave much actually.


Love you long time!

Time For a Break - The Man Detox

on
Thursday, February 20, 2014
I have made a decision. I have my few guy friends that I can spend time with on occasion but I really  think I need a break from the whole dating thing. I'm starting to wonder if I'm even cut out for relationships. Is it so horrible to admit that maybe not everyone is? Would it be completely insane if I just didn't really want anyone permanently fixed in my life like ever again? And I know what you're thinking...It's just that you've only been divorced for a year. You're scared, You're kids are still young. Whatever it is that everyone always says to me... you're just not ready is the general opinion. But what if that's not it? What if....

DUN - DUN - DUNNNNNN!!!!!!

I am not a relationship person... at all. 

I am starting to think that maybe it's just not my thing. And here's a little background on how I got here. For several years before I actually got divorced my husband and I were essentially living separate lives. (You would be shocked at how many people actually are after 15 years of marriage and a buncha kids... truth) I would say for the last 5 or 6 years I have pretty much been living as a single, unattached woman. And I don't mind it at all.  In fact I quite like it.

Here is what that means practically and why I think I may just be better off this way:

I make all the decisions and the rules in my house. What I say goes.
(and I like it)

I go where I want, when I want. I don't need anyone's permission and I don't need to check in.
(my ex was not the controlling type so this was pretty much always true)

I sleep smack in the middle of the bed.
(because why wouldn't I )

I cook what and when I feel like it. Sometimes it's cereal for dinner or toast. Or fend for yourself.
(this makes me a very cool Mom)

I have my own money and my own bank accounts. I spend and save as I see fit.
(Save not so much but it sounded good)

On road trips I decide when we stop.
(and where)

I like to control the remote and stretch out on the couch.
(I binge watch... no channel surfing)

I don't annoy myself.
(I'm awesome)

If I disappoint myself I get over it, it won't kill me. I forgive myself and keep going.
(and I drink wine)

If I get mad at myself I don't yell at me, call myself names or make myself cry.
(I curse my ex and blame it all on him)

I value my alone time. I don't really like anyone around all the time. It would drive me crazy to be with someone who needed to be together all the time. Or always touching... just no... no.
(if the dog won't leave me alone I can put him in the crate.... may need to design a man crate)

And perhaps the most important thing... I've been married, for a long time. I've had my kids. I've done all of that. I don't really have a burning desire to do it all again. At least not now. But the thing I have noticed is it makes people uncomfortable when I say this. I now have an appreciation for the reaction people get who have decided to marry and not have kids. People look at you like you have 3 heads when you say that and also when you say I am ok with being alone. They don't believe me in fact. It's irritating and I'm going to stop biting my tongue one day soon because a lot of people I know aren't really all that happily married... do I really need that crap again? Second marriages have even worse success rates. But that's not really my point today. My point is I need a break, to focus on me for awhile and get my crap together that is a little off track. I am going to try the detox.


Well... wait a second... just to clarify I'm not giving up men or taking a vow of celibacy or anything ridiculous like that. Not gonna start hoarding, get a cat or cut off all of my hair and start wearing dockers either. I'm just going to stop looking for awhile. I am not giving up anyone who is already in the mix (cough cough soldier boy home in 2 mos) and serving any sort of useful purpose. Whatever it may be.  So this is kind of like a diet but I can occasionally plan for a really big sausage dessert and not blow it completely. Let's see how long I can last!

I'm the Kinda Girl Who.....

on
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Desperately needed a link up today.....

Gets along with pretty much everyone...

Hates bitching in the morning. Just shut it, the day just started. 

Can be ready to go in about 20 min. flat. Hair, makeup & everything. 

Thinks even bad pizza is pretty much ok. 

Could dip anything in melted cheese and make it better. 

Is a sore loser. Really. Don't even talk to me after I lose a tennis match unless you have beer. 

Has not a whole lot of patience, generally speaking. Especially for idiots. 

Loves old people. I think I could work in a nursing home and just talk to them all day. 

Doesn't ever catch up on the laundry and I don't care. 

Will sleep when I'm dead... maybe. 

Can drink you under the table unless it's tequila. Then I'm out. 

Only wears flip flops in the summer. 

Bakes my kids birthday cakes from scratch. Don't hate. 

Could eat grilled cheese every day. 

Takes way too many selfies. 

Swears all the damn time. 

Sings in the car when I am alone. 

Looks like I have my shit together but... yeah... not so much. 

Has mastered the art of  not taking anything in life too seriously. 

Loves deeply, still after all. 

Love, Peace & Chicken Grease!

Thanks for the Link Up Holly!!!




Can We Bitch?

on
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
I am finding that it is just one of those days where I am at a loss. Mostly because I am hangry. Clean eating makes me feel good but it also makes me want to shoot my coworkers with a high powered bow and arrow as they walk out the door for tacos. But I really have to stop eating out, it's killing me and that shit is expensive.



So I'm gonna bitch a teensy little bit taday. Instead of shooting people. Do you ever just find people to be the most annoying creatures like ever? I do and yet I have mastered the art of not giving 2 shits about most of them. Except of course for the people that I love dearly.  But most people are really just kind of annoying, petty and I just don't get them at all. Let em give you some examples.


People that drive the Interstates on the daily. Ya'll are lunatics and a lot of you drive for shit. Why would you try to cross over 4 lanes of traffic to get to your exit that you didn't see because you were texting. You almost killed 6 other people. And guess what? Newsflash... there's another exit right after this one.



Co-workers... not saying mine, they could be yours too. I don't want to hear your wife bitching at you from the speaker on your cell phone 10 times a day. There's this new thing called texting and no one can hear your conversation. I mean seriously, who even talks on the phone anymore?



Incessant Facebookers. How do you people have time to post so much about all of the amazing things in your life? Please stop. I can't take it. You will end up hating each other more than likely. Just sayin.




And last but not least all of the fun people have been making of GA and our inability to handle the snow. We now have a plan folks... Atlanta is ordering 25 of them.



And in case you didn't hear we had an earthquake on Friday night last week. 


Later folks!


Monday Can Suck it...

on
Monday, February 17, 2014
And by that I mean my left tit. I already woke up late, the coffee pot overflowed in my office and King Crazy called. He was being incredibly nice too so some shit is definitely going on.



I am just not feeling it today folks. I have a sore throat and I want to be in my warm comfy bed. I hate Mondays especially Mondays after Losertine's weekend. The funny thing about that is very few of my couple-y friends even did much of anything. So what the hell am I feeling so bad about? I got 2 perfectly nice text messages wishing me Happy V-Day. Yeah I know... I pick the guys who go all the fuck out huh?!?!

In other news I picked up a shit ton of Girl Scout Cookies this weekend. Yes it is that time again. And true to form I have already polished off one entire box of Tagalongs all by my little old fat self. Ugh. 


But they were good and now I am done with cookies. Not eating anymore. I swear.  My fat pants are tight, I'm not even kidding. I need a fast way to drop some lbs. and kick my ass into gear so it's time to start running again. Cause we all know running murders fat... it just does. My original soldier boy who I have mentioned here before has been home for a couple of months and he left for Iraq on Saturday:( Womp womp. On the plus side this stint is only 2 months so he will be back around the end of April. I think this is the perfect short term goal period for me. Springtime is highly motivating as is the thought of getting nekked or in a swim suit. Yuck....

I also made the most perfect grilled cheese ever this weekend. It was sooo good that it is definitely blog worthy. If you don't have a Le Crueset grill pan with a panini press you must get one. It makes the most perfect grilled sandwiches you have ever put in yo mouth.  I know this is a lot for a pan but I have a thing for enameled cast iron cookware. It's heavy, not-stick and comes in array of colors. I have several pieces in Flame (bright orange with red)


I am an addict. I grill errrthing. My kids especially love grilled bagels. I know it sounds weird but slap some butter on it, throw it in the pan face down ass bagel up, press it and vavoom shabang... grilled to perfection just like this samich right here... and it's not burnt it's just the oozy processed cheese food slices seeping out. 


My Losertine's Day Dinner...

Doesn't that just scream "Eat Me"?

What did you do for V-Day? And keep it clean... or don't if it's really good:)