Well hey there...I didn't really mean to take a blogging break but I did/am/might still be. I have just not wanted to sit down and write anything lately. I hate it when people say "I have a lot going on" as if someone else doesn't but... I have a lot going on.
I found out last week that my 2 year contract which I thought might actually be 3 is turning into 1. That's right, in about another month if I'm lucky to last that long, I'll be jobless once again. I was hired to work on a specific project and my company just pulled the plug on said project. I knew it was a possibility for about the last month or so but no one really thought it would happen. I am not sure the reality has totally sunk in yet. I'm sick over it to be honest with you. It has been a great job and all of the things I was looking for. But on the positive side I have gained some very valuable work experience and a number of new skills to add to my resume. Follow that with the fact that the job market is definitely better than last year and I should be fine. But I don't feel fine, I feel nervous, anxious, just generally awful. I wish for once I could just catch a tiny break. I am so tired of feeling like I take two steps forward and three steps back.
So I have been wallowing a bit in my self pity. Instead of blogging or doing anything constructive in the evenings, other than tennis, I am eating crap, drinking too much wine, laying around on the couch like a sloth watching Netflix and Prime because I can. And guess what? I don't really feel any better. And I know none of these things will make me feel better but I can't help it, I am in that mode where I don't want to deal with it. I want to crawl into bed and sleep for days with my dog curled up next to me. The irony of that is that I am so wound up right now I can't even manage to sleep through the night. I wake up at 3:00 a.m. and my head immediately starts with all of the thoughts... the worries. I hate that feeling when you just can't shut your brain off. Ugh.
I know in the big picture this is just another blip on the radar. But God Dammit I am tired of blips. I want smooth sailing for once. So this week is spring break, my kids are with their Dad and literally almost all of my friends are at the beach. I have some time to be quiet and just sit with all of this. Next week I will deal with it.