Gentlemen, (and I use that term loosely)
I am taking this opportunity to talk directly to you... online dating men... because I have in fact, become an expert on you. You, on the other hand, know nothing or very little about me. You say you want to get to know me, talk to me, date me, possibly even have a relationship with me but I wonder if that's even true. Maybe you are lonely and need a chat buddy. Maybe you just want to text forever. Maybe you do want to ask me out but you lost your man card and forgot how. (What the hell is your problem anyway? It's a date, not a trip to the dentist. I promise you will have fun.) but I digress.
It has occurred to me lately that you guys might be missing something here, something really obvious albeit very important. Now, since I was married I know this to be very a very common trend among your gender so I'm going to help you out by directing you to the obvious. I do realize that what I am about to reveal in some cases may not be true because of Catfish, scammers, fakes etc. but aside from that just stay with me for a minute. Are you ready?
THERE IS IN FACT A PERSON ATTACHED TO THE PICTURE YOU ARE LOOKING AT ONLINE
A real live person with a life and a story and feelings just like you. A person that is putting herself out there in the hopes of meeting another real live man person that is in fact, her very own person. Are ya pickin up what I'm layin down?
If you are online dating with no actual intention of dating please include a disclaimer in your profile. Here is an example:
This profile is for entertainment purposes only, mine not yours. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental, consider me a total fraud from word one. At participating locations only as I do not go out on dates in actual public. No user serviceable parts inside, others have tried. Simulated picture possibly. Subject to change without notice daily.
Here's my point. Why are you here? What are you doing? Why do you say you want to go out but you never follow up and actually ask? Your parents must be really proud, to have raised a guy who can't ask a girl out, plan a date and execute it. I am a girl who can ask a guy out, suggest a time, date, location, show up and get it done. I learned this out of necessity because you can't do it. I'm a real person like many of the other women you are talking to. When you ask us out and never follow through we wonder... what are we doing wrong? It makes us feel bad. Also, why are you so dumb?
I'm done. I'm not done dating but I'm done waiting for you to get off of your collective asses and take a girl on a date. I've called a couple of you out in the last few weeks, my perpetual text buddies, and you got embarrassed. But you did the same thing you always do, nothing. Bye Felicia. I am going to carefully reconsider the nerds, the short guys, the geeks, the super young, the frighteningly old... pretty much all the guys who have a pair and know how to ask a girl out that I have discounted for you up until this point. No More.
So in conclusion... grow up, wise up, man up... you guys are missing out on great opportunities. Or don't. There are other guys out there that will.