Time For a Break - The Man Detox

Thursday, February 20, 2014

I have made a decision. I have my few guy friends that I can spend time with on occasion but I really  think I need a break from the whole dating thing. I'm starting to wonder if I'm even cut out for relationships. Is it so horrible to admit that maybe not everyone is? Would it be completely insane if I just didn't really want anyone permanently fixed in my life like ever again? And I know what you're thinking...It's just that you've only been divorced for a year. You're scared, You're kids are still young. Whatever it is that everyone always says to me... you're just not ready is the general opinion. But what if that's not it? What if....


I am not a relationship person... at all. 

I am starting to think that maybe it's just not my thing. And here's a little background on how I got here. For several years before I actually got divorced my husband and I were essentially living separate lives. (You would be shocked at how many people actually are after 15 years of marriage and a buncha kids... truth) I would say for the last 5 or 6 years I have pretty much been living as a single, unattached woman. And I don't mind it at all.  In fact I quite like it.

Here is what that means practically and why I think I may just be better off this way:

I make all the decisions and the rules in my house. What I say goes.
(and I like it)

I go where I want, when I want. I don't need anyone's permission and I don't need to check in.
(my ex was not the controlling type so this was pretty much always true)

I sleep smack in the middle of the bed.
(because why wouldn't I )

I cook what and when I feel like it. Sometimes it's cereal for dinner or toast. Or fend for yourself.
(this makes me a very cool Mom)

I have my own money and my own bank accounts. I spend and save as I see fit.
(Save not so much but it sounded good)

On road trips I decide when we stop.
(and where)

I like to control the remote and stretch out on the couch.
(I binge watch... no channel surfing)

I don't annoy myself.
(I'm awesome)

If I disappoint myself I get over it, it won't kill me. I forgive myself and keep going.
(and I drink wine)

If I get mad at myself I don't yell at me, call myself names or make myself cry.
(I curse my ex and blame it all on him)

I value my alone time. I don't really like anyone around all the time. It would drive me crazy to be with someone who needed to be together all the time. Or always touching... just no... no.
(if the dog won't leave me alone I can put him in the crate.... may need to design a man crate)

And perhaps the most important thing... I've been married, for a long time. I've had my kids. I've done all of that. I don't really have a burning desire to do it all again. At least not now. But the thing I have noticed is it makes people uncomfortable when I say this. I now have an appreciation for the reaction people get who have decided to marry and not have kids. People look at you like you have 3 heads when you say that and also when you say I am ok with being alone. They don't believe me in fact. It's irritating and I'm going to stop biting my tongue one day soon because a lot of people I know aren't really all that happily married... do I really need that crap again? Second marriages have even worse success rates. But that's not really my point today. My point is I need a break, to focus on me for awhile and get my crap together that is a little off track. I am going to try the detox.

Well... wait a second... just to clarify I'm not giving up men or taking a vow of celibacy or anything ridiculous like that. Not gonna start hoarding, get a cat or cut off all of my hair and start wearing dockers either. I'm just going to stop looking for awhile. I am not giving up anyone who is already in the mix (cough cough soldier boy home in 2 mos) and serving any sort of useful purpose. Whatever it may be.  So this is kind of like a diet but I can occasionally plan for a really big sausage dessert and not blow it completely. Let's see how long I can last!


  1. I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship for a while, or ever again. Just because you've done it in the past doesn't mean it's right in your future. But maybe it will be. One day at a time. Don't let people make you feel weird or like it's wrong to be different. We're ALL different and you have to do what works BEST for YOU! :)

  2. If Tyson and I were ever not together for some reason I would stay single, for all the reason's you listed above! I'm happy and Tyson and I get along great most of the time but I wouldn't want to do all the work a long term relationship requires again. I would just want to hang out with me and enjoy my own damn company.

  3. When you quit looking that's when you're likely to find someone that you're really into. I didnt believe that but it actually happened to me. I"m so happy now compared to my past relationships