Hump Day Confessions: Secret Single Behavior & Stuff

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

"Secret Single Behavior." A term originating from the television show Sex and the City, a SSB is an action or habit that one indulges in only when alone. This refers especially to behavior that is hidden from one's significant other and could be potentially embarrassing (or disastrous) if discovered.
My personal SSB is eating a half-gallon of chocolate ice cream for dinner. I also dance around the apartment in underoos.

I have been officially single since May of 2013 and I have developed some weird habits. Side note... these are things that I mostly do alone when my kids are not around.

I fear that I may never be able to live with a man again after being alone for so long. For real, what would I do with another adult around all the time? To get on my nerves.

I talk to myself. I also talk to my dog as if he were an actual person. We have really great conversations. If anyone else is around I definitely don't do this because...

I have the music playing pretty much 24/7 when I am home alone. My taste ranges from old school country like Hank to current Hip Hop/R&B like Fetty Wap. If it has a lot of obscenities I turn it up louder. My ex hated anything really loud and I love it. I have blown out the speakers in every car I have ever owned. Truth. I still want to know what happened to Fetty's eye.

I sing and dance a lot really badly...especially while cooking in the kitchen... see previous confession.

I eat the majority of my meals at home sitting on the floor in front of my cocktail table either watching TV or on my laptop. Sometimes I just stand in the kitchen too. If the kids are around we try to sit at the table and we usually do.

When I am not eating clean I will eat anything and call it a meal. Mostly cheese and bread with some kind of fruit. There have been many entire weekends that this is all I ate. With wine. Sometimes I just eat a dessert like a piece of cheesecake or a pint of Ben & Jerry's and call that dinner too.

On the flip side of that I often like to cook myself an entire complete meal, plate it, garnish it and pour a nice glass of wine. Even if it's just for me and it takes me 2 hours, I don't give a shit. It's like therapy. And then sometimes I get sad cause I'm alone and then I'm like fuck it I deserve it... bi-polar much? Think of that scene in Bridesmaids where she makes the cupcake and then eats it. Me totally.

I might make a pot of coffee and then just keep drinking on it till it's gone... even if its the next day. I reheat it, put more milk in it, pour it over ice or whatever. I don't care if it's old.

I will wear the same lounge clothes for like a week. My kids don't notice when they are around. I get dressed to go out, come home, pick up the yoga pants and tank that I probably slept in off the floor and put them back on.

I put makeup on to stay home... just in case. And then if I get bored I am ready to take a cute selfie.

I'm off pizza right now but when I am on it I will order it one night, leave the leftovers in the box on the counter and eat if for breakfast the next day. Refrigeration is really not necessary, trust me I have done studies. And day old room temperature pizza is better than stone cold refrigerated pizza. I might even eat it the next day too. Don't care.

On Saturdays slated for cleaning house cocktail hour starts at noon. For some reason vacuuming, dusting and laundry is just better with an icy cold beer.

I'll try on outfits for no apparent reason, like 10 or 15 until my closet is a mess and I am all hot and sweaty and need a shower. Taking shit on and off is like a mini workout.

I will turn on Oxygen or Discovery ID and watch marathons of Snapped and Who The Bleep Did I Marry. I feel like this is a good way to reassure myself that being single is in fact not so bad at all.

Happy Humpday! Linking up with Kathy & Nadine...

More Coffee Less Talky


  1. college life has proven that you can leave pizza in a box overnight and eat it the next morning with no adverse reaction.

  2. I love all of these. I talk to my cats like humans. They are so much better than real humans sometimes. LMFAO! I also live in comfy clothes when I am home.

  3. Ohh, these are good. We all have quirky behaviors - but I think these are pretty normal. I love that you will cook a nice meal for yourself. That would not be me - I'd have a bowl of cereal and call it a day.

  4. I totally talk to my dogs like they are people...whether anyone is around or not. And if Chris isn't home, I find cheese and crackers or something similar as a totally appropriate meal. And ummmm I wear my nike shorts and tshirt around the house for days at a time in between washings. No shame. Oh and the shorts have a hole in the ass because of how old they are and I still dont care. My husband is a lucky guy, right? LOL

  5. Wine, chips, salsa and cheese was seriously the only thing I used to ever keep in my house. It was my holy grail food groups. I totally feel you on those!

  6. I totally wear the same lounge clothes, picked up off the floor, over and over again. I smell it, if it smells fine, it's fine to wear.

    My guy likes full meals - he often says his favourite meals are "meat, 2 veg". Some nights, I tell him "feed yourself, don't worry about me", and I eat crackers, cheese, and an avocado. Or ice cream. or grapes and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

  7. I miss Discovery ID. Now that I have country cable, I don't get to watch all those good shows.
    There's benefits to being single. Thankfully, my husband is laidback and could mostly care less what I do or how I behave. I do a lot of SSB around him. He's used to it.

  8. I definitely talk to myself ALL the time. My husband always makes fun of me for it haha!

  9. This is awesome. I don't care about old coffee either lol and cocktail hour DEFINITELY starts at noon on the weekends!

  10. I could not agree more that sometimes getting dressed for an event is like a race - and I always seem to lose! xo, Biana-BlovedBoston

  11. LOL at wearing makeup at home just in case... I barely put it on to go to work half the time!