Thursday, November 17, 2016

I'm banana focused.:

Ok well maybe it's not that bad. Oh hey, by the way. Where have I been? I miss this little place of mine and I miss writing down my thoughts, musings and activities. I miss reading about yours too. I miss chit chatting with you all out there in bloglandia. So here is an attempt for today or at least a check in just to say "Hey".

Work has been sucking the life blood out of me. Several years ago , right before I decided to get divorced and started this blog, I had a job at a monster bank and I had a decidedly love hate relationship with said job. Without getting too far into it there were parts that I loved, like really truly loved if you believe you can love your work. And they were big components of the job so win, win for me but there were things about that position and the company that filled me with dread. I don't mean to be melodramatic here but if you've had a job where on Sunday afternoons about 2 pm you start feeling anxious because you know your time away is coming to a close, then you know what I mean. Dread. I ended up getting "let go" (I was just leaving anyway thanks) from that job because, as I now know to be true, when something in your life isn't right for you it will find a way out one way or another.

Flash forward to now. Tiny feelings of dread on Sunday, but nonetheless dread. So let's examines the why's and wherefores of said dreadful feelings a bit.  What is is that is actually causing me to feel nervous and anxious and actually have dreams on the regular about my job and/or fucking up at my job. I really am, how crappy is that? So in true management fashion I will bullet it out for you... with matching bullets and the proper indentation because God forbid the alternative:
  • The pace is anywhere from breakneck speed to faster than shit through a goose. Like, don't blink or you will miss... ummm... pretty much everything.
  • It's a completely new sector of the industry for me, like I know very little about it, thus tons of new language, acronyms, procedures, pretty much everything is new to me. I swear to God it's like they are speaking another language solely made up of acronyms. SHRP2, FHWA, GDOT, FLTC, REL, ITS, MUTCD, TRIP, TIME, TIM, RAX, ETO, ATMS, ALADS, HERO, TMC... just to name a few. UGH.
  • It's a new (to me obvi) company and it's very, very corporate. As in, everything has to be done just so. No exceptions. Did I mention we do government work? They have a crap ton of rules.
  • The workload is insane. I could easily work 50-60 hours a week on the 2 projects I am assigned to but they are very strict about not doing that, thank God. Work/Life balance. But, but... the workload.
  • I'm out of the office and driving all over Atlanta (which is horrible) for meetings, etc. way more than I am in the office which makes it hard to figure out when I am supposed to sit down and do the work I need to do. 
  • I feel like I don't know what I'm doing 50% of the time which is probably accurate and fair because like I said it's all new but still... not a fun feeling to have 50% of the time. 100% of the time this makes me feel like I am in over my head. I don't think I am but I am my worst critic. But they did hire me after all so there's that.
I mean, I could go on and on I guess but you get the idea. So my solution for now is to just go head down and plow through. I am exhausted at the end of every day and I want to climb into bed as soon as the sun sets and the kitchen is clean. My friends haven't seen much of me, I am sure my favorite bar stool is home to a new ass by now. My poor blog that I used to write in the evenings has suffered because now I sleep in the evenings like an 80 year old grandma. Who am I?

On the bright side, if I can get over the hump and all of the learning curves this is an insanely amazing career opportunity for me. The possibilities are truly endless, I could literally be building a bridge on the other side of the world or something. It's funny how little things like jobs can change your life, shift your focus and force you to take a hard look at your world and re-prioritize.

On the even brighter side I leave for Michigan tomorrow to spend a week of paid vacation with my family for the holidays. Couldn't do that as a contractor. I may even get lit stay up past 8 and blog a little while I am there, who knows.

So that's whats up. What's up with you?


  1. You'll get it and it'll be worth it! Until them, head down and plow on!

    Enjoy your holiday back home.

  2. first few months of a new job is always time sucking as you try and gain your footing. keep at it and have a great vacay :)

  3. Oh girl hang in there! I know what you mean though about feeling dread on Sundays. I think I have felt that way most of my adult life about my job sadly. It sucks it is something that becomes part of your weekly routine, right??? It sounds like you have an awesome trip to look forward to. That is always fun!!!