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K. Stew I feel your pain....

Thursday, August 30, 2012

I have been thinking a lot about cheating lately. It seems that at this point in my life a large number of my close friends relationships are in various but definite stages of, well... disarray. I think back to maybe 15 years ago when we were all getting married for the first time and how idealistic we were about marriage and relationships. I used to think there was nothing worse than cheating or being cheated on. I don't really feel that way anymore, there are many things that are indeed far worse. Don't get me wrong, it's bad and I am not condoning it but I get it, I see how it can happen. Just about everyone I know when I really sit sown and think about it has had cheating touch their relationship in some form or fashion over the years. It's pretty shocking. And those are just the ones I know about, who knows how many others there are who are really good at it and never get caught. I mean, clearly it happens right??? So what does this really mean? I didn't know until I separated from my ex that there are entire websites completely devoted to helping folks find an affair partner. A friend of mine actually suggested I go that route before I really committed to getting a divorce "just in case" Lol. She meant well, really she did!

In contemplating my future it doesn't really give me a lot of hope. A friend of mine got married 6 weeks ago after a 3 year relationship and informed me yesterday that he is in fact, miserable. WTF???? I knew he was making a mistake but no, he did not listen to me. I guarantee you if he stays married he will be cheating at some point. Another friend of mine who is going thru a 3rd...yes 3rd divorce is thinking about getting it on with her ex who is currently married to the woman he cheated on her with. I know you are probably thinking what kind of people does this girl hang out with??? This is exactly the point, these are normal, suburban, educated, employed, regular people. You would never know or suspect, at least I never would have until now.

So why does everyone cheat? Okay, I know it's not really everyone but why so many? Are they just that miserable, need excitement, hate their spouse, fallen out of love, no will power, sex addicts, met their soul mate, all of the above?? Can you put it back together if someone cheats? Can you eventually have a successful relationship with the person you cheated with, even though it started out totally shady? Hmmm...  and what about poor Kristen Stewart? Will she be labeled a home wrecker forever? And who really cares anyway??? Lol. I didn't cheat on my ex but I get it. Totally.Maybe the real question I should be asking is why do so many people get married again and again and break their vows?  I think I am just going to stay single for awhile. No, I am... for sure. Or at least until I find my next soul mate ha ha.

It's Official... I'm going to HELL!!!!

Monday, August 27, 2012

Funny thing happened to me last night. I'm laying in bed at 11:00 just turned out the light and my phone goes off... txt message. Hoping against hope that it was someone I really wanted to hear from, I mean only certain people would txt me at 11:00 on a Sunday night, I immediately reached for it thinking it would be a nice unexpected hello or something equally pleasant. WRONG!!!! It was the very first flat out ugly message I have received from a guy on Apparently 'ronniejones2853' felt the overwhelming need  to send me an email quoting Corinthians something or other that it is a SIN (yes he actually put it in all caps) to remarry and if I divorce my husband I am going to HELL (again with the caps). And then some bullshit about "Jesus loves you" and "Be Holy" and that was it. I almost fell out of bed upon reading the message.  I literally would not have believed that anyone could be so self righteous as to send such a message to a complete stranger on an Internet dating site. I mean the vast majority of users are divorced. I wonder if he is sending all of the divorced ladies he looks at such positive, spiritually uplifting messages? I was a little freaked out too like you know when you get that feeling after you read something like that that someone is watching you or just really trying to get to you on a personal level? And he did, for a minute... then I got pissed. I immediately fired off a "report a user" email to the match police and proceeded to block his pathetic religious nut bag self from contacting me ever again. But I did sneak a peek at his profile one last time just to see where he got off saying shit like that. I knew I recognized him from a previous view, and sure enough there he was again. All white pants and blue blazer sitting on a ridiculous gilded velvet covered settee... yes I just used the word settee... a fancy pants ugly ass gold and velvet love seat. Looks like mr "ronniejones 2853" has quite the inflated ego judging by his ridiculous profile pictures standing in front of swirling staircases and pink wall paper complete with lovely silk floral arrangements. He might just live in a funeral parlor. A reasonably attractive 49 year old African American male, never married but with 2 kids. Hmmmm... what does the bible say about that ronniejones????? I kind of wished I would have fired off a good one to him before eradicating his existence from my parallel universe. But what would really be the point? I am a religious person but I would never dream of using my religious views to try to put some one else down. I cannot for the life of me understand what kind of person would. So another check in the negative column for I am really not sure if this is worth the effort at all.

Eating working... huh???

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

So... I have been on a major (for me anyway) kick to change my eating and exercise habits, stop being such a fat ass and just generally try to be a better example for my kids and a healthier fitter Mommy. As I said a major attempt for me...  not going balls to the wall and being a totally o.c.d.  food Nazi or out of control gym rat.  So I have been making small mindful changes, while still allowing myself to indulge in the things that I love (wine) , incorporating more exercise (ugh - running) and reading a lot about why we are all so fat.  I have been doing this all summer and it seems to be working and I am really only doing it half-assed!! Imagine what I could do if I really tried??? Oy... I am so weak... But I am trying to be better:)))) I wish I had taken my measurements at the beginning of the summer because I feel it in my clothes more than see it on the scale.  Scale says about 10-12 lbs in last 6 weeks but it really feels like more. I think... think... it's the combination of the running and trying to eat clean. And by clean I mean eating real food, like stuff with 6 ingredients or less on the label and all stuff you can pronounce. I have been reading a great book called The Eat Clean Diet Recharged by Tosca Reno and it just makes so much sense, I mean it is common sense after all.  Any way I am feeling pretty amazeballs about myself because people are starting to notice, and not just drunk friends Lol, like real people out in the world... bonus!!!! So my next mini challenge is to really commit for a couple of weeks hard core. I have been cheating thus far and feeling so much better it really makes me wonder how I would feel if I just cut all the shit out??? I am sleeping better, have more energy, less bloat and my skin has been pretty consistently glowing for the last little bit here anyway. I think this could be the start of a really amazing lifestyle change for me and my kiddoes ( although I am tricking them into it totally).

Oh... and I finally filed for divorce. Yipeee!!!! Nothing is signed, agreed to, notarized, etc. but we have a court date of October 1st so maybe I can scare douche bag into signing or facing a contempt charge (not really but he won't know this). The saga continues...

Back to the Grind...

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I can hardly believe I have not written anything in weeks. I haven't really even been super crazy busy so I am not sure what my excuse is. Lots going on as always but just the normal crazy... well almost. What should I update first???? Hmmm... Divorce... ok! Well there is a whole lot of nothing going on there. Due largely to lack of funds. Seems attorneys, unlike architects and designers, will absolutely not work for free. Who knew this was the absolutely best way to make money??? I assure you no one in my line of work would ever operate this way... Lol. Seriously though I am making payments... the dreaded payment plan that has thus become the way of life for me. It seems to be the only way I can get shit done or bought and paid for as the case may be. They won't do anymore work for me until I am at a zero balance... bloodsuckers. Ha , no really they are way smarter than I in matters financial. The good news is I have all of the original documents so now I just need to get my ass to the courthouse and file them. This FRIDAY I am taking an early lunch and gettin her done!!! If it kills me I swear!! No more excuses and no more waiting for ex who is just constantly dragging his heels with one thing or another. Turns out he ended up in the hospital ( better than the hoosegow) 2 weeks ago with double pneumonia and an irregular heartbeat for 4 days, with no insurance, and calling me crying that he was going to die. Oh the drama that will surely cease to exist in my life when he just moves on. I can't wait. He was actually quite sick but on a completely curable level so the drama really wasn't necessary but he brought it anyway. I was there for him, did my ex-wifely duties and went to the hospital twice. Just made me realize even more that I am so ready to move on. Keep ya posted on Friday filing.

What else? School started last week so I am back to being super full time single mom, working mom and after hours chauffeur. We are back in  the groove of getting up super early  and getting ourselves out the door (not that I wasn't doing that all summer long) everyday with pretty little drama thus far. I did not miss rooting thru back packs, checking homework, signing papers and packing lunches every night before I can climb in the sack that is for sure. But I am a routine junkie, I really get off on it, I like knowing exactly what is coming next so having a jam packed schedule really is right up my alley!

Oh  yeah and I started training for my first real 5k!!! I know all of the runners out there are probably laughing their skinny runner asses off right now but this is a huge deal for me. I am not a runner, never have been, maybe never will be but this is a bucket list kind of thing. Plus I have embarked on extreme weight loss journey simultaneously so this is kind of killing two with one you know? I have lost 10 lbs so far and my ass is clearly shrinking so I am thrilled. I am going back and forth between loving and hating the running. I am doing the C25k (Couch to 5k) interval training program and, well, it's hard. But I am determined. I am going to do this, for me. I am on week 3 of 9 in the program and it is definitely starting to kick my ass but as I said, ass looking a wee bit smaller so ...I'll take it. More on this little journey later.

Lots of good stuff coming, I feel it. More soon!