Update Update

Ok, so I am committed to getting back here on a regular basis. I was doing so well for awhile and really enjoying spilling my guts and thinking out loud here in my little blog that no one reads. But it is cathartic like having a journal and  good to go back and see how I have been thinking feeling in recent times. But where to begin??? How about let's get the worst of the shit out of the way first... the dreaded divorce chronicles.

Let me just start by saying that I love men, I really, really do. But I have ended up with one of thee most sorry pathetic hateful excuses for a man on the planet. His sole existence revolves around meeting his own needs and trying to destroy what is left of my life. Ugh... I am so sick of being held hostage by this man. I had to postpone our last court date because he refuses to sign the papers. And the latest and greatest news is that he no longer is agreeing to stay elsewhere when he is in town. His plan is to stay at the house until the divorce is final which it never will be because he won't sign the paperwork. I am so sick of him. I would like to scream. So I am packing... again. Looks like we will be moving sooner rather than later. He is giving me no choice. I hate the man, he is a selfish bastard.

So that is the bad news. On other fronts everything else seems to be plugging right along. I have been grossly off the wagon on my quest toward fitness. Something about having to deal with douchebag on a daily basis just makes me angry and that makes me want to eat and sit around feeling sorry for myself. I am really mad at myself for caving. Gained a few lbs. back but not too much damage done. Trying to figure out the best plan to get back on track. I am really wanting to do 100 days of real food but it just seems so daunting. Need to quit smoking and drinking for good... it is just such a huge time waster for me and not to mention  killing any effort I put into doing something healthy and good for me!!! It is time to stop the insanity. My one biggest concern is that my best friend and I are horrible influences on each other. Every time one of gets on the wagon the other one pulls that person right off and down to the gutter. What do I do about this??? I love her to death but we are bad to the bone together. I think the truth is that we both have so much in our lives that we are just not happy with... so we slowly try to take ourselves out...Lol. boy this whole paragraph sounds like more bad news!!!

Goal for the week... I know it's Tuesday... should have done this Monday. Run twice instead of sitting home and drinking/eating/smoking. I can do this. My big 5k is on Saturday... my training program stalled at week 4... I am also really mad about that. But I can still pick it back up and finish. Going to sign up for another run to keep motivated.

Food goal... pick up the eat clean book again and start studying. Do some research into what it would take to do the 100 day challenge. If I think about where I was a hundred days ago... ugh... that was douche meat's birthday actually. Well, the point is a lot can change in 100 days... actually you can change your whole life in a lot shorter time than that. Hmmm... real food for thought. I'm thinkin again.