Waiting to exhale...

Monday, June 18, 2012

Today might be the day I have been waiting for for a very long time. Soon to be ex has agreed to give me answer as to whether or not he will sign the papers today. He's only had them for almost a month. We've been drafting them now for 6 months with little to no input from him. So last night I got completely fed up and started texting him from my room upstairs to his room in the basement... so pathetic I know... financial reasons or not don't ever do this. Talking to my BF yesterday and as always she is telling me I'm being too nice, start hounding him, force him to make a decision or make it for him. I know she's right but I am a wimp and he is very good at gaining my sympathy when he starts talking about not being with the kids and his health problems, none of these are documented by the way... more aches and pains he complains about. And true to form that's what he said last night as well as "leave me alone" and "stop harassing me". Well, I didn't. I told him to act like a adult man and make a decision. I sent several texts last night that I should have sent or better yet said, months ago. He then tells me he has been advised to seek legal counsel. Oh really???? After 6 mos. you decide why yes, I think I should have an attorney too??? I panicked, dollar signs flashing before my eyes thinking about how much more it will cost me to start all over and with another attorney involved. At least another five grand for sure. Seriously wanted to throw up in my bed. But I actually did the opposite, sent one more text. "Please make arrangements to move out asap. I will instruct my attorney to file tomorrow." Actually there was one more after that about me not being able to live in limbo anymore but that was just having the last word. I hardly slept last night, wondering if I did the right thing. How long can he expect me to go on this way??? How much can one person take? I am pretty sure I have been the most patient woman on the planet and no one, none of my friends understands it. I don't understand it either. Some of it is fear, lack of money for attorney fees, but overwhelmingly I just don't want to hurt anyone, even him. As bad as he has been, as many mean evil things he has said and done to me (and I do not mean anything abusive or illegal) I just still worry that he will not be able to handle all of this. Will crumble and give up when he realizes he has to grow up and no one is there to take care of him.
He begged me this morning not to do anything today, that he would give me an answer by the end of the day. I didn't respond but I haven't made the call yet either. He better give me the right answer. If he doesn't all bets are off and I'm not looking forward to that. Divorce sucks.

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