Forward March....

Friday, June 22, 2012

What a shitty week it's been. I had so much hope that my ex would sign the papers. Instead the complete opposite, he pretty much refused ever to sign. Went back on everything he said he would agree to. In fact now I am pretty sure that all along he has been lying to me, just buying himself more time in the house, with the kids, while I do everything and he does nothing. We had the worst fight of our entire married life on Tuesday night. It was truly awful but in a funny way life changing. I now know exactly where I stand, I am officially out of limbo. But... I have to move, pack up my kids and 11 years worth of stuff and life and memories and find a new place. This makes me very sad and I have shed more than a few tears this week over it. If we could work together I know the kids and I could stay, but we can't, he won't allow me to stay there and he said he won't ever leave. So there you have it. On the other hand the thought of having my own house, my very own space for me and my kids that he can't barge into on a moments notice is absolutely thrilling. As I ran to the window last night when I heard a truck go by thinking it was him pulling into the driveway, it struck me. Maybe I won't have to do that in my own house, my new space. How wonderful that would be.

So we file on Monday without a settlement agreement and go from there. Ugh... mediation, more legal fees, makes me sick to think about it. Thank God my family will be able to help me. I feel so sorry for my ex, he is going to end up miserable and our children will suffer for his selfish actions once again. So you might ask why I post this picture today, after this horrible week, filled with pain and sadness and tears. This was taken last night at my kids swim meet and this is my beautiful 6 year old daughter. I have been to every meet this year, their father has not been to one. This is why I can keep going everyday, one smile, one hug, one "Mommy I'm so glad you're here" and it is all worth it. Will all be worth it when it's done. So I keep going! Forward.

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