Single Problems...

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

This is going to be a little random today but just crap I think about. Every once in awhile it occurs to me that I have acquired tons of quirks, habits and behaviors since getting divorced that are most definitely characteristically single. Truthfully I have probably always had or did all of them while married but made a concerted effort to hide them because we all know that being married is about doing what is best for the whole and not the parts, most of the time. I sucked at that by the way because I am kinda, sort of, all about Amy all the time. Except for my kids but then still to some degree there too. Sometimes I worry that after all these years of being single and with all my single person habits I will never be able to live with a man again as a partner. I did not say husband because if you have been here for awhile you know I am going the Kurt Russell/Goldie Hawn route if I ever go there again. #livinginsin

So I put together a list of pluses and minuses - the things that I love about being single but that definitely may or may not make me a desirable partner for a suitable mate. Some of these things I would have an extremely hard time giving up were it ever to come down to it. Yes, I am saying that I very possibly could choose some of these over another living, loving human being all up in my grill 24/7. Lezbihonest... people irritate me.

Plus - I have a King size bed with all the blankets and pillows you can wrap yourself in.

Minus - I have a King size bed with all the blankets and pillows I can wrap myself in, and I do.  I often sleep diagonally too as I feel it makes the maximum use of the space and I just like it. I toss and turn and move around all night long unless I am completely hammered or slightly wine drunk.

Plus - I have a really big master bathroom so our shit never really even has to co-mingle.

Minus - I have taken over the entire bathroom vanity for myself, the his and the hers side are currently all hers and she likes it that way. When the kids move out their sinks will be available. In a few years. I also have a huge master closet that is mine, mine, all mine. You can have the guest room closet. 

Plus - I am an amazing cook.

Minus - I cook only when I feel like eating now. Sometimes it's weird stuff because I also only cook what I feel like eating. Hope you like beets!!!

Minus - My dog sleeps wherever he wants and when my kids are not home it is always with me. And he takes up half the bed, he farts, he snores, he drools. But I love him more than most people.

It's Complicated - This could kind of go either way depending on the person. I prefer music on to the TV. Most of the time my house is never silent, iheart radio/pandora/some playlist is on. Luckily (Plus) I like all types of music except not a big fan of classical.

Minus - I often listen to extremely offensive and profane gangsta rap and Hip-Hop. Most people my age don't get this... 

Minus - Cleaning is not a high priority in my life at this point. My house is basically clean but maybe a little dusty/dog hairy and often junk gets shoved away in hiding spots until I can get to it. (giving the false appearance of neatness). Kids don't care and other adults who might want to judge can suck it. I work full time and have a busy social life. I call that living and cleaning excessively is not a good use of my time. IMO. I'll get to it when I get to it. Lot's of men are dicks about this though so...

Plus - I love football and I will watch it all the live long day with you. Let me reiterate, I am a woman who loves football. So you can stop bitching right now about not being able to find a woman who gets it. I get it.

Minus - I love football and if you are not into it you will be extremely annoyed with me. It's like being opposites on religion or politics, it just won't work. So move along, and btw... what the hell is wrong with you??

Other random behaviors that don't really lend them selves to relationships;  I go out a lot, whenever I want, with whomever I want. I snore... I know it's awful but true, sorry. I live out of a laundry hamper about 75% of the time so my room is a constant maze of sorted clean laundry in baskets that may or may not ever get fully put away.  I play a shit ton of tennis so either play with me, come watch and cheer me on or don't bitch cause that is not up for negotiation.   I don't really know if any of these things matter but I often think about how many things I do differently now as a single person versus when I was married. Mostly because I just don't care and after years of trying to please someone else I am over it.

So hopefully there is a guy out there that will be willing to put up with me... sleeping diagonally. But if not I'm good for now!

Cheers to being single... mostly... for now anyway:) 


  1. bahahahahah I loved this post girl! I'm right there with you! I love football (see some women do!) I also love cooking but the nights I fend for myself, I end up eating a bowl of cereal ;)

  2. hahahaha this is awesome. I am the same way on almost all these things, and I'm not single, so it's totally doable with a guy. Maybe minus the sleeping diagonal thing and sub volleyball in for tennis. And I'm the same with cooking. I'm a good cook but if I want a quesadilla (like last night) we're having guesadillas. End of story.

  3. A little dust and dog hair never hurt anyone! You do not want a man who is personally offended by that.

  4. LOL!! if a guy can't get down with gangsta rap, then he's not a keeper!!

  5. This had me giggling a lot. Years ago, I started dating a super nice guy. One night over dinner, he mentioned that a perfect Sunday to him was spent outdoors, washing his car, doing yardwork, and going to the lake. I said "except during football season, right?" ... his answer was that he didn't really watch football. Uhm. At the time, that was a dealbreaker.