When did people stop being polite? It has occurred to me of late as I am Tindering my days away that something weird has happened in our society. Apparently it has become a thing to just vanish out of someone's world whenever you feel the urge. I used to and still do call it "going dark" but the popular term is actually Ghosting... as defined by the Urban Dictionary in terms of actual dating.
Now, Ghosting in general is certainly nothing new. It has been around since the dawn of time I am sure. You know like Amelia Earhart, Jimmy Hoffa.... Jesus... ok maybe those are not really great examples but disappearing without a trace is not a new thing. In terms of dating and relationships it is however the modern way of saying "I'm just not that into you bye." It is also a popular way of conveying any and all of the following list of scenarios:
- I changed my mind about meeting you
- Something came up
- I don't like your hair
- My cat got sick
- I moved to another country, very suddenly
- My wife made plans I didn't know about
- I chickened out, meeting someone new is just too scary
- You are delusional. I was never real, you imagined me.
I am sad to report that in my last few years of being single and swimming in the online dating cesspool, I have in fact been ghosted many times. Hundreds, maybe even thousands. Who can really be sure when you are talking about disappearing people that may or may not have even been real to begin with. It's all very confusing. And disappointing. Then just funny.
Take for example my tentative date last weekend, let's call him Bob. Bob and I had been chatting on Tinder and he suggested going out. I said "when?" (on Saturday afternoon) and he said "tomorrow" (which I thought meant Sunday), first mistake. We exchanged numbers, texted contact pics and chit chatted a bit. Then... nothing. Till Tuesday night when I got "You busy?". Am I busy? Dude... you ghosted me. GTFO.
Another dude... Jim, not gonna lie that's his name, and I matched up on Monday. We talked back and forth for a bit that day and decided on meeting up. I asked innocently "coffee or drinks" hit send and immediately noticed his profile was gone. Poof! An hour or two and some witty banter down the drain. Why? Why were you even talking to me? Fucktard.
I guess I have been relatively lucky. I have gotten ghosted early on. I chalk this up to men being intimidated by my awesomeness and chickening out. But apparently people get ghosted after dating for awhile. How in the world? How do you date someone for weeks or even months and then just decide this is not working and I am done. And go silent. Forever. How?
And why? Why does anyone think it's ok? I realize that online dating is fraught with scammers, fake profiles and the like. But if you are fairly certain that you are talking to a real person and your gut says it's a no go, do the right thing and say "Hey, I don't think we are a match. Good luck."
I can not bring myself to even ghost an asshole. I'd rather say "You sir are an asshole, Good Day". But that's just me.