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10 Day Challenge - 7 Things That Cross My Mind Alot

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

7 Things That Cross My Mind Alot

(in no particular order)

1. Money - Bank, Benjamins, Moolah, Dead Presidents, Dough, Large

I hate to say it but true that. I think about it all the time. How I need it, want it. How there is never enough, too many bills. When my next paycheck is coming and how long will it last. If my ex will ever pay his child support. Who I can borrow it from. Is there a way I could print my own and not get caught? Seriously... it consumes me but so do a lot of other things. I keep trying to visualize it coming to me in large piles or a big check or the winning powerball numbers or something. According to the secret this should bring it right to me.... ahem... I'm waiting... patiently. 

2. Food - Chow, Grub, Vittles, Diet, Cuisine, Fare, Sustenance

I am a foodie so just shoot me now. Oh lawd do I have food on the brain. I love cook it, eat it, serve it, decorate it, plate it, instagram it, bake it, take it, order it... you name it just never waste it! I used to think this was a bad thing because I have always struggled with my weight but now I just use it as a tool to help me plan. If I don't think about it at all I end up making bad choices when it comes to food. So I think about it a lot  and I really enjoy it. Life is too short!
This is what I made for dinner last night... don't hate... I only eat red meat once a week

3. Relationships/Men - My Boo, Ship, Ball & Chain, Luvahhh, Big Daddy

"I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted, where is he?"
Charlotte York

This about sums up my feelings on the subject right now.

4. Exercise -Workin on My Fitness, Cross Training, Lifting, Getting Ripped

Let's just be clear here... I am currently doing none of the above but it doesn't mean that I don't think about it errrr day while I am practicing a 6 oz. curl of sauvignon blanc.  Cause I am... really thinking about it that is and feeling guilty as hell for taking the summer off except for playing on 2 tennis teams in the un-Godly GA summer heat I really don't feel guilty. Womp womp... feel sorry for me?? Well don't lol... that is super fun exercise that involves drinking if you are doing it right. But I miss my little running routine and I am on a mission to get back to it. It really does murder fat and you body starts changing instantly  and oh lawd.... I am the biggest fan if immediate gratification since Veruca Salt.

5. Sex- Schnick Scnack, Gettin Busy, Nookie, Bow Chicka Wow Wow

Ok, does this make me a guy? Cause I really do think about it a lot folks sorry I'm not sorry. And here's why... I no getting anyeee!!! No really I'm not but that's not why I think about it a lot. There are few reasons actually. Well, I'm 42 and apparently I am a reasonably hot-ish cougar type. At least that's the feed back I have been getting on the dating sites I recently took a hiatus from. I don't see it but who knew? The youngsters dig me but all they want is sex which is convenient because it's not like I could go out to hmmm... idk... say ANYWHERE ON THE PLANET  in the company of a twenty something guy and not feel like a total dirty Mrs. Robinson. So I think about it a lot because as a newly single person I had no idea that you could just get online and get you some so easily. This blows my mind... really.

6.  The Real Housewives of Where Ever You Are From

Ok so I was watching the fake news for losers last night aka OMG Insider... seriously that is the name of a real TV show ya'll google that shit... and up on the screen pops Teresa & Juicy Joe Guidice fresh out the courtroom. Turns out the reality stars are in court again for a whole buncha stuff they got caught doing that is pretty much very illegal and they are facing some serious slammer time. It got me thinking because I am seriously addicted to all of these shows... shoot me it's my guilty pleasure. All of these people have so much yet they are not happy and they are never satisfied. So much so that they are doing some really crazy shit in an effort to obtain more. I just don't get it. If I had one iota of the $$$ these ladies have I would be on my knees (hey hey now) thanking the Lord above for my blessings, not being a miserable joke on a reality show. But what do I know... I am house poor and happy:)

7. The Co-Worker In the Cube Next To Me

If you could please, please shut the fuck up once in awhile I would be ever so grateful. As much as I enjoy your stories of hornets nests, 4 am asthma attacks, amoebas that go in your nose and eat your brain, getting lost on the way to a chinese buffet, falling off a ladder, trips to the peach orchard, your fights with your mother.... I have no patience. I am sorry it is my fatal flaw. Shhhhh... woosahhhhh... just quiet yourself. That is all.

10 Day Challenge - Day 3 - 8 Ways To Win My Heart

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

8 Ways To Win My Heart

1.    Buy me ridiculously expensive shit and lavish me with it. JUST KIDDING!!! No but seriously since that was the first thing that came to my mind the most meaningful things are the little things. Things I might mention in passing when I think no one is listening that I would love to have. The  little trinket in the antique store, the odd kitchen item at Williams Sonoma, my favorite flowers, a chai latte, anything in the shape of a heart. 

2.    Cook for me. It doesn't matter even what it is but just cook for me, a meal, a snack a dessert... anything. Food is love where I come from.
But just for the record Filet Oscar is my fave... I will marry your ass if you can cook this!!!

3.    Be amazing with my kids or any one's kids for that matter. If you can get down and dirty with the little people and make a connection with them you aight in my book. 

4.   Have passion about things in your life, goals you may have, people that you love, a cause that is important to you. Just don't be blaze about everything. 

5.   Touch me. On a regular basis. (I don't mean this in a sexual way but that's pretty dern important too.) Your hand on the small of my back guiding me, a kiss on the top of my head, hooking a finger into mine when you stand next to me. There is almost nothing more heartwarming and healing than a simple touch. I think we all need this daily. Now that my kids spend time with their Dad away from me I realize how much I miss this every day. 

6.  Love your country and respect our military. This kind of goes back to the passion thing. This one gets me every time and if you don't have that love and respect I'm prolly gonna wanna punch you in da throat.... that's just wrong. Oh and if you have served or are serving I'm prolly gonna wanna jump your bones, sorry Dad I'm not sorry.

7.    Be kind to others and cherish the one you are with. I see people all the time who are nice to everyone else but their significant other. Or the opposite, people that are completely douchey to the world but sweet to the S.O. and they are often blind to it. Be nice to me. It sounds so simple but just be nice, it's so basic and really takes very little effort. Reaps some pretty amazing rewards however.

8.    Help me out whether I ask for it or not. If you are in my life make it easier not harder. I will always do the same for the ones I love. I wish men would realize how much they could get out of simply cleaning or doing some laundry. Make the bed and I will be more than happy to help you mess it up later:)

That's it for today's installment of the challenge. Ta Ta for now:)

Weekend Re-cap...

Monday, July 29, 2013
Saturday morning french toast... yum

It was a fairly non-productive lazy weekend... again. I am really starting to not really feel bad about how generally lazy I have been all summer. Because every time I do I force myself to think about the pure chaos that is back to school/football/cheer leading/volleyball and homework season that  is starting in less than 2 weeks...ugh. I have been sleeping in all summer long, even on work days. I have mastered the art of rolling out of bed at about 7:05 and still making it to work by about 8:15 which I think is pretty good but I only have to worry about myself. In less than 2 weeks that is gonna get backed up an hour and a half and I am going to be making sure 3 other little people get out the door on time as well. Ugh... it's a lotta work. And I will also be kissing my lazy Saturdays and Sundays good bye for awhile. Instead we will be up at the crack of dawn and heading to the football fields and throngs of screaming cheerleaders and crazed parents. I can't wait!!!

But I digress... back to the lazy weekend re-cap. Friday night my kids cam back from spending the majority of the week with their dead-beat unemployed Dad while Mommy worked. I have been extremely flexible with the custody arrangement this summer so that my kids are not home alone all day. But they were missing me so he brought them back on Friday night in time for pizza with Mom. We had good conversation and it continues to amaze me how much information they give out when you don't ask but just listen. (Sometimes they even leave notes)
 It's not always what I want to hear but that may be for another post altogether. We played some games and watched TV and just hung out and did the relax and unwind from the week thing. It was heaven:)

Saturday morning Mommy slept till almost 10 and got up with french toast on her mind. Some weekends I just really like to cook. And lets face it, every time we go out to eat we spend way too much money which I can't afford. And my cooking is so much better, whatever it is I promise I can do it better! See above....

Olivia woke up with shrimp and grits on her mind which we made together for dinner. Just in the last year or so she has started helping me in the kitchen and we both really enjoy making things together! Me especially as I have always loved to cook with someone. I get this from my Dad. I so  miss cooking with him! Any way here is homemade dish number 2 for the day...
Only the best mother daughter shrimp and grits like ever!

And last but not least my lazy Sunday... not so lazy actually. My ladies team made it to the playoffs and we played round one on Sunday. My partner and I played tennis for over 3 hours in pretty intense heat and sun but we prevailed 6-1, 3-6, 7-6 ending in a 3rd set tiebreaker. It was a long, slow, tough match... thought I might keel over on the courts but it felt good to be back out there once again. I felt much better than I did last weekend. No more jitters about having a stroke on the courts, I was calm and focused.

Dead tired and super sweaty but winner winner chicken dinner!

Nice Weekend:)

10 Day Challenge Day 2 & Random other stuff....

Friday, July 26, 2013
9 Things About Yourself ....

  1. I am a total girly girl. I always have makeup on, and 99% of the time there is glitter involved somewhere. I just feel better when I look a little sparkly. 
  2. My worst irrational fear is that there will be a zombie apocalypse. I am completely addicted to The Walking Dead for this very reason. It could happen... I think of too many things that would be worse. Yuck zombies... gross. 
  3. If I ever get married again I want it to be on the beach somewhere. I want to wear a little lace dress and have flowers in my hair. I guess I really need to decide if I ever want to go down that path again cause marriage is hard and I am not really sure I am cut out for it. 
  4. I still wake up pretty much every day and think "how is this my life"? It is so not what I had pictured if I had really thought about it years ago. Which incidentally I did I just didn't plan very well and as I tell my kids "Mommy made some bad choices along the way" but I am still here and going strong!
  5. I am an absolutely fabulous cook and there is nothing in the world I find more gratifying than cooking a meal for someone. I also find it insanely calming to cook with someone, it just feels good. 
  6. I hate, hate, hate fake nails. Who are you fooling anyway?
  7. I really do believe that money can solve a crap ton of your problems. The key to understanding this is that having money gives you freedom to make a lot more choices... that's where we get in trouble. 
  8. Princess Diana was my childhood idol. I wanted to be just like her. I cried when she was killed. My son was born on her birthday and his name is Spencer:)
  9. I don't really know if I am doing this bloggy thingy correctly. People look at the damn thing a million times a day but I have no followers. Hmmm... maybe I should buy a book or something lol. I don't really care cause it's more for me than anything else right now anyway. 

Ok... I lied. No more random stuff but maybe later!

10 Day Challenge - Day 1

Thursday, July 25, 2013

So I am trying to get in the habit of blogging something everyday but I am not always sure if random thoughts will interest anyone but me. And honestly half of what is going on in my life makes no sense to me so to put it down in words and expect anyone else to get it seems well... challenging. So I thought I would try this, a challenge that requires me to actually think less... Amy likes this. This will at least get me off and running everyday and if there is anything more exciting I can add I will! So Day 1...

10 Things you want to say to 10 different people right now...
  1. SB... you are annoying me. I think you are all talk and no action. I realize that this will make me sound like a silly teenage girl but it is pissing me off that you don't want to be facebook friends. My gut tells me something is wrong. That something is not on the up and up with you and right now I don't like you very much. Jerk. I had to get that off my chest.
  2. M... I think I could totally fall in love with you my friend. You are my happy place right now. But please be careful and don't push too hard because that will make me want to run away. And I really don't want to run away from you. 
  3. H... Don't take it personally if it seems like I am avoiding you. I am trying to be healthier and we get into too much trouble together. But I still love you crazee biotch!!!
  4. Mom... I will call I promise.
  5. R... I miss you. Dammit, I still do:(
  6. John... please start paying your effing child support!!! I'm dyin over here!!!
  7. Olivia... I don't say thank you enough for all of the things you do to help me. Thank you. I am so proud of you every day. 
  8. Spencer... you can climb in bed with me anytime son... I love that you still want to talk to me and cuddle up. 
  9. Ava... I often sneak into your room at night to watch you sleep. You have one of the most beautiful faces I have ever seen.
  10. Co-worker that sits in the cube next to me... please shut the fuck up once in awhile. 
That felt kinda good. 

Should I stay or should I go?

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Ok so I need opinions ya'll!!! And I am serious here cause I am really torn as to what to do about this little dilemma. If you have read any of my blog you have likely figured out that I am divorced and I have a crazy ex and an equally crackers international set of ex-in-laws. I do my very best not to spend any time with any of them. Maybe someday it will be easier but it's all just too new and awkward for me right now given all the circumstances. That and 20 years of their bullshit was more than enough for me.

So here's the deal. My ex-sister-in-law is getting remarried in 2 weeks and I am invited to the wedding. Both of my daughters are in the wedding party as jr. bridesmaid and flower girl so I really want to be there to see them walk down the aisle. But... DO I ACTUALLY HAVE TO STAY FOR THE RECEPTION????? Should I??? Cause I don't wanna... like really, really don't wanna. But let me give you a little background first. My sister in law and I used to be really close when we all first got married. She was the closest thing I had ever had to a sister up until that point in my life. We got married and started having babies at the same time and as couples the 4 of us hung out all the time. But fast forward 17 years and a lot has changed. I will always love her but we are not that close anymore and haven't been for a very long time. But still she wants me at her wedding. And here's the big catch for me...obviously my ex will be there and if it was just that simple I could handle it. But now that I know that the she and her fiance recently vacationed with my ex and his new girlfriend (with my kids grrrr)  and I saw the four of them checking in on FB at a concert together last weekend. It is clear to me that they are couple friends now. Which is fine, I guess. But it's irritating to me. Especially because she did not give me a "plus one" on my invitation. Mine was made out to "Amy & Family" which to me indicates I am not welcome to bring a date. Which I would only do if I had someone special or someone hysterically funny that would go with me and make fun of everyone. And sadly I have neither, at least that are readily available and not on the other side of the planet.

I just don't think I can stomach a whole night watching ex-douche bag and his stupid girlfriend fawning all over each other all night without hurling! But ex sister-in-law really wants me to go...... So what do I do??? Ugh... just ugh!!!

Monday ... Weekend Re-cap!

Monday, July 22, 2013
Why do I always feel like when I walk in on Monday I just walked out 5 minutes earlier on Friday evening??? Totally off topic but this was my 8 dollar make you holla waffle house lunch on Friday. Yum -oh-la:))))

I got off a lil early on Friday night and pretty much did a whole lotta nothing but chit chat on the phone with Mr. Chicago, play Candy Crush, drink wine and catch up on Catfish. I know I am a ginormous loser!!! But in all fairness the girlz came over on Thursday and we stayed up too late so I was old lady tired on Friday night. Plus my kiddoes were at their Dad's since he said he didn't have enough gas to drive them home... loser. And then I fell asleep.

My family room is so relaxing... I often fall asleep on the floor.

Got up at a somewhat reasonably early hour on Sat. even though I had no plans for the day except to go for a run. Made coffee, responded to some email (ok... just one long dirty email from soldier boy in Baghdad... that was fun) lazed around a little more and had to go pick up the kids at Dad's apartment. We decided the best course of action for the afternoon was a movie for all of us. So a bunch of smuggled in grocery store candy and a big tub of popcorn later we all went to see Despicable Me 2 and it was heee-larious! And then we went home. It was another deliriously exciting night at my house with kids. We did some balsamic glazed chicken on the grill and a big yummy cucumber salad. I had more wine. You guessed it... And then I fell asleep. Seriously at like 9:00, but it felt so good!

The Famous Cucumber Salad

So Sunday I had my first tennis match in a month at 10:00 in the morning. I was so excited to be back out there and playing with one of my fave partners. As I mentioned my team was in the hunt for play offs so it was an important match. It wasn't ungodly hot but it was hot... and really humid. I started off ok but as the match got on (and it was a tough one) I just could not get it together. I started worrying that the heat would be too much for me. My doc said use good judgement... wasn't sure if I was or not. And then my legs started feeling like lead and my back was hurting. I am pretty sure I was freaking out a little too much and I have noticed that the heat is really bothersome to me right now... maybe my meds?? Any who I had some good shots and we played ok but we lost. There is no way I could have gone 3 sets so I was glad. A month off wreaks havoc on the endurance dammit. Oh well, I did not pass out and embarrass myself on the court anyway. After sitting around drinking beer watching the rest of my team lose their matches too, I went home and took a nice cool shower. And then I fell asleep. Notice a recurring theme here??? 

All in all a good weekend. Mr. Chicago was oddly quiet after Friday. Oddly quiet. I hope I didn't jinx it by thinking it was feeling relationship-y and putting it out there for the universe to stomp on. Hmmm... I hate when I do that. All in all a good weekend though. Ready for a stellar week! Happy Monday!

Yippee Ki Yay Mother *&^%$#@ It's FRIDAY!!!!!!!

Friday, July 19, 2013
Friday is my favorite day of the week for a variety of reasons. I just love it and I am in a hella awesome mood today for why I am not sure, I just am! Well I do know why but actually it's a whole buncha things that just went right this week and that makes Amy very, very happy. I still have a crap ton of things in my life that are really messed up right now but one teeny tiny step at a time is all I can focus on and I think that philosophy is working for me... today anyway. My ex douchebag's phone got cut off this week too and I have also realized that the less I communicate with him the better I feel... on the inside, calmer and less anxious. It is huge for me. HUGE.

Soooo... here's what. Olivia (my sweet teenager) and I just signed up for the Firefly Run 5k.  I am so stoked... A. To have another 5k to prepare for because I really need to get off my ass and start running again and ... B. To be doing it with Olivia. I really prefer to run alone (mostly because I can't talk and run at the same time) but she loves for us to run together and how could I ever say no to that??? 
Doesn't this look like fun???

So what else... did I mention that my doctor said I could go be a rockstar again??? No he really did say those exact words. And did I mention I totally love him?? But I digress...So I am back on the tennis courts officially this Sunday and I cannot wait! My team is tied for first place so we might win our division and go to playoffs. Woohoo! Oh how I have missed chasing the little yellow ball around the courts. It is such good therapy for me!

And while I am on the topic of therapy Mr. Chicago has officially become my new addiction. We are talking everyday and it is starting to freak me out a little bit. It feels eerily like a relationship and I don't want that right now. But I kinda like it so what does that mean? Maybe I do want that? No I really don't. I have the worst timing ever I am convinced. When he was living here last fall it was an awful time for me to be dating which is why we didn't really date. But now he's not here and I want to date him... really bad. He'll be back though. Maybe this is just the way it's supposed to be right now!

That's it for now. I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

Overnight Oats & A Good Bill of Health!!!!

Thursday, July 18, 2013
I am soooo excited!!!

Because I made the perfect batch of overnight oats in an empty Nutella jar and snarfed that deliciousness down as soon as I got to work this morning. I got the consistency  perfect this time and less like soup. Although chocolate oatmeal soup would prolly be A-OK with yours truly. I forgot to snap a pic of what it actually looked like this morning cause I was too excited to nom nom nom but you get the idea.

And B.
NOW HERE'S THE REALLY GOOD PART... I had a follow up appointment with my cardiologist today and got all my test results back. My carotid arteries and renal arteries are in great shape! No blockages causing my high blood pressure... praise God!!! My numbers are coming down and the meds are working. He made a few more adjustments in dosage as I am still not where he wants me to be but it was all good news. I am not dying lol... and yes I am being totally mellow dramatic but when you hit the ER three times in one month you freak out. Seriously I was starting to recognize people there. Not good. And.... I can start running and playing tennis again... as long as it's not 110 degrees on the court which it could be here in July in GA. I am thrilled beyond belief. For once in my life I am making positive changes and sticking to them (because I absolutely have no choice)... but still I am proud of me!

Finish the sentence link up...


I've never done this before so I am so excited that I actually got it to work!!I am new to blogging and I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I actually use that excuse for everything... "I am new and I don't know what the hell I'm doing"... and then I smile... it works!

If I had one extra hour in the day... probably spend to much time thinking about what I would do and then it would be over. 

I wish my name... didn't end in cock... seriously everyone spells it with a cox anyway. I have 2 daughters, it's gonna be rough growing up with that in your handle!

I think anything chevron is...reminiscent of the military... and I like it.

My last nightmare... involves showing up for work in my pajamas. 

Sometimes... I wish I was back in college when money just showed up in my bank account every month and my only task was to go to school and spend it on beer or Jim Beam and Diet Coke. 

My last meal on earth would be... My Grandmother's meat pie (she made the crust with lard... uh huh), a blue cheese wedge salad, nutella cheesecake and a few bottles of wine. 

I would much rather be alone and single than miserable and married.

Mayonnaise... is the only way to make the perfect BLT... gotta have it. 

10 years ago, I didn't think... I'd be a single Mom. Seriously I would never have believed it!

Selfishly... I love it when it's my kid free weekend. I can sleep naked... see my last nightmare above. 

My favorite show on TV right now... The Walking Dead... mostly because I really have a fear of this happening!

And, George Zimmerman... has gotten way too much press. It's over. 

Crack in a cup...

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

This may possibly be the most deelish thing I have made in recent history... the Nutella Mug Cake. You could also call it gooey chocolate hazelnut lava in a mug that you might sell your first born for... jus sayin. Seriously, it's that good. I did not do the whip and it was still crazy good.
Here's the deets. 
Make you some and thank me later:)

Yields 1
Prep Time
3 min
Cook Time
2 min
Total Time
5 min
4 tablespoons self-rising flour
4 tablespoons sugar
1 egg
3 tablespoons cocoa powder
3 tablespoons Nutella
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
½ cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon sugar
Combine all ingredients in a large coffee mug.
Whisk well with a fork until smooth.
Microwave on high for 1½– 3 minutes. (Time depends on microwave; mine took 1½ minutes.)
Add heavy cream to the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a whisk attachment and whip on medium-high speed until almost stiff.
Add sugar and beat until heavy cream forms stiff peaks.
Top Mug Cakes with whipped cream and a little chocolate sauce, if desired.

Online Dating.... the awful truth

So one year ago when I embarked on the adventure of online dating by signing up for little did I know that I would learn so much yet really walk away with so very little to show for it. I am almost totally embarrassed to say I have wasted countless hours, days even talking to strangers online the majority of whom I never even met. Seriously, how pathetic is that?? Well it is and it isn't. It got me back out there and over my fear of actually being single and dating again, so that is good. It also reaffirmed my once long ago belief that I am a pretty amazing catch for any man... it's true, I really am. After years of being married to a man who would say this to others then treat me like shit I was starting to wonder. It did a lot of cool things for me and it has been fun but I think I am ready to leave it behind for awhile, if not for good. But in the event that any of you out there are just now embarking or know someone who is I really want to sum up what I did learn about Internet dating.

It's a great way to meet people if you can find someone that wants to meet. Seriously, lots of people are lonely and just want to talk. My rule eventually became exchange numbers rather quickly and get off the site. Text for a few days and see if there is good text chemistry... more on this later. If you like someone set a date with in 2 weeks max or you will never go out most likely. So be available, if someone asks you out Friday morning for Friday night and you are free just go! Don't worry about looking like a loser with no plans. They had no plans either so who are they to be judging your single ass!

Real men don't text. Ok I totally hijacked this from  the title of a book that is coming out this fall (looka here) but it is the God's honest truth. Of the hundreds, yes really, of men I have talked to online in the last year there are 3 that stick out in my mind as really genuinely good connections. What they have in common (because these 3 men could not be more different) is that they all wanted to call me and talk... early on. It kind of surprised me and weirded me out and scared me. It's easier to have time to think carefully about each response in a text. Talking is scary and off the cuff, but the connection is either there or it's not and I can tell from one phone call if we have a snowballs chance in hell of a real life connection. If you are afraid to give out your digits... get over yourself or get a disposable cell phone and stay anonymous. Note I said they wanted to call me... this means effort on their part to make getting to know me a priority. Tres importante!!!

If you get stood up delete his number. Now... you are all saying duh!!!! Like who would ever talk to someone again after getting stood up??? Ummm... hello... me... right here... I'm the one:))) And it won't be as dramatic as you actually going to said location and him not showing up. That never actually happened to me but I got stood up a lot. Yes, really. I qualify getting stood up for an online date if the guy asks you out for a specific date and approx time/meal/drinks/whatever and then fails to follow thru in one way or another. I had a guy text me and say he was having sitter issues a couple of hours before the date and asked me what I thought he should do (which was odd but whatever). I gave him some parent to parent advice and ideas and after that never heard from him again. Now this is someone i had been talking to for multiple weeks (early on I made this mistake alot)... never freaking heard another word!!! Then there was the guy who asked  (via text 2 hours before date) what I would do with my kids at home if I decided I wanted to spend the night with him. To which I replied... that ain't nevahhhh gonna happen on zee 1st date!!! Never heard from him till a month later when he txted a lame apology and begged for another chance. I passed. Just this past 4th of July weekend I had a Sunday dinner date planned for about 5 days in advance. Never happened, no call, text, nothing.... until Tuesday. He said  "well you never said what you wanted to do so I figured I would try again today". Ummm... I didn't know "how's ur day going" on the Friday before was code for "please plan the date on Sunday or all bets are off". What ever. Delete em all... there are as they say plenty of fish in the sea. And if you are going to do the asking, follow thru and stop wasting every one's time!!!!

Don't send naked pictures. Just trust me here and don't do it. And God forbid if you do crop out your head!!! Now I am no prude and I love looking at a beautiful rock hard penis as much as the next girl but not nearly as much as guys like taking them and texting them to me. It really did shock me how commonplace this is. I never asked for one but sometimes every time it was offered up to me I said send it! Shoot me... I am curious... and it's good to know what you have to look forward to (or sadly not). But in all seriousness just don't go there. If you send one they become relentless and ask you for more and more and it's really fucking annoying after awhile. My standard answer is "in the context of a relationship I have no problem with naked pics but until we get to that point it ain't gonna happen, so please stop asking". If he doesn't like it he's not worth it!

Don't waste your time talking to someone who lives more than an hour away. If you have any semblance of a life long distance is just too hard in this day and age. Just don't.

Look at his worst picture cause that is who's showing up for your date. This needs no further explanation just know that it is 100% true and accurate.

If you invite him to your house after one date he will think it is for sex.  I am a home body and I love to entertain so I have made this mistake on more than one occasion. My thinking was it would be nice and casual to talk and have a drink on my deck rather than a noisy bar. His thinking... after the drink we are heading to the bedroom. Seriously this happened to me twice before I decided no more home dates early on. The second time was actually a little uncomfortable in a scary way... not a good feeling. Public places only!!!

There are a whole lot of other things I could expand upon here and I think I will in a part #2 addition but this about sums up the highlights for now. As to whether or not I found the love of my life on the Internet the jury is still out. Although I am not dating anyone right now I have met some sweet guys with potential that I am still in contact with. I don't know what the future holds but I am pretty sure it doesn't hold anymore online dating for me but I will never say never.

Get some cheese cause I'm gonna whine now....

Monday, July 15, 2013

I don't really want to be a total Debby Downer but I need to whine. So my kids are back from their week at the beach with their Aunt (my former sis-in-law) her fiance, her 3 kids, their Dad and their Dad's GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! Ahhhhh.... I had no idea she was going on this trip and for some reason it is really, really bugging the shit out of me since I found out last night when they got home. We are divorced, they are living together, I know all of this but I just wasn't mentally prepared for another woman vacationing with my children...ugh!!! I am just shocked for so many reasons the least of which is that she actually went on the vacation. I mean it was a free trip, why wouldn't she go?? Hell I would go if I didn't have a fucking job and 3 kids to support with no help from anyone else!
Here's the thing. I guess I really believed him when he said he was done with relationships for ever. I know, I know... how dumb was I ??? But it made me feel better thinking that maybe he knew he would never find anyone else like me so why not just give up. After all, I divorced him because he fucking destroyed everything we worked to build together, and he knows this, admits it. He just thinks I should have stayed in spite of it. I know leaving him was the right decision for me and I will never regret it but why does everything just come so easy for him??? He just skates by in life and gets to do whatever he wants while everyone else has to struggle and work hard for it. And what kind of woman wants to be with a man who doesn't pay child support, doesn't have a job or any direction in life? Why is this attractive to any woman? I guess he is just that good of a con man. God fucking dammit!!!! UGHHHHHH
Ok.... maybe that will be enough whining on the subject... for  the moment anyway. On the upside I had a very nice relaxing week with no kids. I pretty much didn't do a God damned thing but drink wine, lounge around, watch movies and just generally be completely useless. It was not a productive week for me but a restful one spent burying my head in the sand and forgetting about the real world for a few days.  I spent a remarkble amount of time talking to Mr. Chicago. He likes to talk, not text as much which I am actually thoroughly enjoying. I like him. He makes me smile. I wish he lived here. He says he wants to live here and we talk about how it could work. It scares me though. How will I ever know if I am ready enough not to break someones heart? I think I am just going to enjoy him in the moment for now and not worry about what comes next. I have this weird feeling though that if he was here we would be really good together. I just can't shake it, but it could be just my crazy coming out. We shall see.
Back to the doc's on Thursday... another trip to the cardiologist to get the results of my ultrasounds last week. Please God let it be good news. I feel good but I am starting to think that matters not in certain circumstances.

Weekly Goals:
1. Track food in My Fitness Pal for the whole week and watch sodium
2. Pay some bills
3. Exercise in some way shape or form
4. Take one step, do one thing toward moving... just one.

8 Days of Sweet Freedom....

Monday, July 8, 2013
Oh. My. Freaking. God. I have died and gone to heaven. My kids are gone to FL for 8 days with their Dad and his family. So... is it horrible to say that I was in hog heaven all weekend pretending to be single and kid-less again? I napped, I cooked, I drank wine, I cleaned, I took long leisurely showers,I slept naked, I ran to the store for movies and more wine.... it was one of the best weekends I have had in a long time. Am I the most horrible mommy for not really missing my kids at all??? I mean  I am with them 24/7 during the school year when I am not working that is! I barely left my house as it was pouring rain on and off all weekend. I had little contact with the outside world. Does that make me some kind of freakish hermit type? I know several of my friends would have gone mad with so little to do... not me... bring it on. I was supposed to have dinner with a girlfriend on Saturday but she never called and I was not motivated to get dolled up and spend money so I didn't either. I had 2 tentative dates set up for Sunday but the guys didn't confirm either so far be it from me to reach out to them... no way. So no dates... I'm in a dating slump actually and I am ok with that. I did talk to Mr. Chicago all weekend on and off... I so like him... wish he lived here or we could at least meet and make it a little less pathetic and catfish-y. Someday I hope we do, I always get the feeling that we are supposed to for some reason.
On another note I ate pretty poorly all weekend... not proud of that. My diet has been coming along swimmingly until no one was looking. I have been feeling well, blood pressure seems to be more under control... thank the Lord. I am taking my meds and trying to watch sodium. I have not had a cigarette in ... drum roll please....8 weeks. And this weekend I certainly could have fallen right off the wagon and no one would have been the wiser. I have an irrational fear of going to sleep in my bed and not waking up though so I won't cheat... ever... I am so serious about that. I realize it is going to take awhile to reverse the damage I have done to my poor black lungs but hey... I am trying!!! Doc still has not cleared me for anything other than walking so my fat ass is still not moving and I really want to get back to the shred. And I'm not walking either... don't ask. I did color my hair myself this weekend though since I cancelled my salon appointment last week in favor of saving $130.00. See... this is what $5.95 on the sale shelf at Ulta will get ya:)

Go to your happy place....

Tuesday, July 2, 2013
I tell myself this now at least 15 to 20 times a day. Sometimes it works and I go to the beach and I picture myself marrying my friend Matthew for some reason. I don't know why because he is at this point just an online buddy up in Chicago but we joke about getting married. I'm always wearing a little white lace strapless short dress with some flowers in my hair and he is cupping my face and kissing me. This lowers my blood pressure.... most of the time. Yesterday it worked but just not so quickly as the nurses at my cardiologist would have liked.
I had my carotid and renal artery ultrasounds yesterday... oh joy. Just like the pregnancy ultrasounds only pushing all up and down my neck and then across my stomach sides and back. I started out looking at the technicians face trying to see what she saw and then at the screen looking for I don't know what... cause it all looks the same to me but I quickly gave up and stared at the ceiling and then just closed my eyes and tried to forget where I was. It is scary... not knowing what the hell is wrong with me. I have to wait 2 weeks till my next doctors appointment to find out. Sooo here's my theory at the moment. Surely the ultrasound techs know when they see something that is alarming or really bad right? They wouldn't let me walk out of the office and wait 2 weeks to see the doctor if I was about to drop dead right??? But I am worried none the less and I am distinctly feeling like I need to go to my happy place with a dose of xanax and a chardonnay chaser. Don't judge me....

Speaking of happy places, yesterday was my beautiful son's 11th birthday. I made the most awesome and perfect white chocolate raspberry cheesecake which was his special request. I really outdid myself with this one. He said it was his best birthday cake ever. Which is exactly why I do what I do... keep going every day.