Online Dating.... the awful truth

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

So one year ago when I embarked on the adventure of online dating by signing up for little did I know that I would learn so much yet really walk away with so very little to show for it. I am almost totally embarrassed to say I have wasted countless hours, days even talking to strangers online the majority of whom I never even met. Seriously, how pathetic is that?? Well it is and it isn't. It got me back out there and over my fear of actually being single and dating again, so that is good. It also reaffirmed my once long ago belief that I am a pretty amazing catch for any man... it's true, I really am. After years of being married to a man who would say this to others then treat me like shit I was starting to wonder. It did a lot of cool things for me and it has been fun but I think I am ready to leave it behind for awhile, if not for good. But in the event that any of you out there are just now embarking or know someone who is I really want to sum up what I did learn about Internet dating.

It's a great way to meet people if you can find someone that wants to meet. Seriously, lots of people are lonely and just want to talk. My rule eventually became exchange numbers rather quickly and get off the site. Text for a few days and see if there is good text chemistry... more on this later. If you like someone set a date with in 2 weeks max or you will never go out most likely. So be available, if someone asks you out Friday morning for Friday night and you are free just go! Don't worry about looking like a loser with no plans. They had no plans either so who are they to be judging your single ass!

Real men don't text. Ok I totally hijacked this from  the title of a book that is coming out this fall (looka here) but it is the God's honest truth. Of the hundreds, yes really, of men I have talked to online in the last year there are 3 that stick out in my mind as really genuinely good connections. What they have in common (because these 3 men could not be more different) is that they all wanted to call me and talk... early on. It kind of surprised me and weirded me out and scared me. It's easier to have time to think carefully about each response in a text. Talking is scary and off the cuff, but the connection is either there or it's not and I can tell from one phone call if we have a snowballs chance in hell of a real life connection. If you are afraid to give out your digits... get over yourself or get a disposable cell phone and stay anonymous. Note I said they wanted to call me... this means effort on their part to make getting to know me a priority. Tres importante!!!

If you get stood up delete his number. Now... you are all saying duh!!!! Like who would ever talk to someone again after getting stood up??? Ummm... hello... me... right here... I'm the one:))) And it won't be as dramatic as you actually going to said location and him not showing up. That never actually happened to me but I got stood up a lot. Yes, really. I qualify getting stood up for an online date if the guy asks you out for a specific date and approx time/meal/drinks/whatever and then fails to follow thru in one way or another. I had a guy text me and say he was having sitter issues a couple of hours before the date and asked me what I thought he should do (which was odd but whatever). I gave him some parent to parent advice and ideas and after that never heard from him again. Now this is someone i had been talking to for multiple weeks (early on I made this mistake alot)... never freaking heard another word!!! Then there was the guy who asked  (via text 2 hours before date) what I would do with my kids at home if I decided I wanted to spend the night with him. To which I replied... that ain't nevahhhh gonna happen on zee 1st date!!! Never heard from him till a month later when he txted a lame apology and begged for another chance. I passed. Just this past 4th of July weekend I had a Sunday dinner date planned for about 5 days in advance. Never happened, no call, text, nothing.... until Tuesday. He said  "well you never said what you wanted to do so I figured I would try again today". Ummm... I didn't know "how's ur day going" on the Friday before was code for "please plan the date on Sunday or all bets are off". What ever. Delete em all... there are as they say plenty of fish in the sea. And if you are going to do the asking, follow thru and stop wasting every one's time!!!!

Don't send naked pictures. Just trust me here and don't do it. And God forbid if you do crop out your head!!! Now I am no prude and I love looking at a beautiful rock hard penis as much as the next girl but not nearly as much as guys like taking them and texting them to me. It really did shock me how commonplace this is. I never asked for one but sometimes every time it was offered up to me I said send it! Shoot me... I am curious... and it's good to know what you have to look forward to (or sadly not). But in all seriousness just don't go there. If you send one they become relentless and ask you for more and more and it's really fucking annoying after awhile. My standard answer is "in the context of a relationship I have no problem with naked pics but until we get to that point it ain't gonna happen, so please stop asking". If he doesn't like it he's not worth it!

Don't waste your time talking to someone who lives more than an hour away. If you have any semblance of a life long distance is just too hard in this day and age. Just don't.

Look at his worst picture cause that is who's showing up for your date. This needs no further explanation just know that it is 100% true and accurate.

If you invite him to your house after one date he will think it is for sex.  I am a home body and I love to entertain so I have made this mistake on more than one occasion. My thinking was it would be nice and casual to talk and have a drink on my deck rather than a noisy bar. His thinking... after the drink we are heading to the bedroom. Seriously this happened to me twice before I decided no more home dates early on. The second time was actually a little uncomfortable in a scary way... not a good feeling. Public places only!!!

There are a whole lot of other things I could expand upon here and I think I will in a part #2 addition but this about sums up the highlights for now. As to whether or not I found the love of my life on the Internet the jury is still out. Although I am not dating anyone right now I have met some sweet guys with potential that I am still in contact with. I don't know what the future holds but I am pretty sure it doesn't hold anymore online dating for me but I will never say never.

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