Get some cheese cause I'm gonna whine now....

Monday, July 15, 2013

I don't really want to be a total Debby Downer but I need to whine. So my kids are back from their week at the beach with their Aunt (my former sis-in-law) her fiance, her 3 kids, their Dad and their Dad's GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! Ahhhhh.... I had no idea she was going on this trip and for some reason it is really, really bugging the shit out of me since I found out last night when they got home. We are divorced, they are living together, I know all of this but I just wasn't mentally prepared for another woman vacationing with my children...ugh!!! I am just shocked for so many reasons the least of which is that she actually went on the vacation. I mean it was a free trip, why wouldn't she go?? Hell I would go if I didn't have a fucking job and 3 kids to support with no help from anyone else!
Here's the thing. I guess I really believed him when he said he was done with relationships for ever. I know, I know... how dumb was I ??? But it made me feel better thinking that maybe he knew he would never find anyone else like me so why not just give up. After all, I divorced him because he fucking destroyed everything we worked to build together, and he knows this, admits it. He just thinks I should have stayed in spite of it. I know leaving him was the right decision for me and I will never regret it but why does everything just come so easy for him??? He just skates by in life and gets to do whatever he wants while everyone else has to struggle and work hard for it. And what kind of woman wants to be with a man who doesn't pay child support, doesn't have a job or any direction in life? Why is this attractive to any woman? I guess he is just that good of a con man. God fucking dammit!!!! UGHHHHHH
Ok.... maybe that will be enough whining on the subject... for  the moment anyway. On the upside I had a very nice relaxing week with no kids. I pretty much didn't do a God damned thing but drink wine, lounge around, watch movies and just generally be completely useless. It was not a productive week for me but a restful one spent burying my head in the sand and forgetting about the real world for a few days.  I spent a remarkble amount of time talking to Mr. Chicago. He likes to talk, not text as much which I am actually thoroughly enjoying. I like him. He makes me smile. I wish he lived here. He says he wants to live here and we talk about how it could work. It scares me though. How will I ever know if I am ready enough not to break someones heart? I think I am just going to enjoy him in the moment for now and not worry about what comes next. I have this weird feeling though that if he was here we would be really good together. I just can't shake it, but it could be just my crazy coming out. We shall see.
Back to the doc's on Thursday... another trip to the cardiologist to get the results of my ultrasounds last week. Please God let it be good news. I feel good but I am starting to think that matters not in certain circumstances.

Weekly Goals:
1. Track food in My Fitness Pal for the whole week and watch sodium
2. Pay some bills
3. Exercise in some way shape or form
4. Take one step, do one thing toward moving... just one.

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