Can Cheaters Change? Once a cheater always a cheater???

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Most of the time I want to write about fun stuff. I want my posts to be lighthearted and funny because God knows we all have enough heavy shit to deal with. I know I do. But every once and awhile I feel like I want to throw in something a little more cerebral, thought provoking if you will. I realize that as far as bloggers go I am old.. let's just go with 40-ish, or a hot cougar maybe... that works too. Since I am old I probably have very different ideas about what is thought provoking than most of you here reading today. So this also could be considered a PSA or a cautionary tale of sorts because being old also affords me the dreaded precious life experience card. And my deck is pretty full as I have had some doozies for sure.

So here's my thought for the day... Can cheaters change?

Let me start off by saying that when I was married I never cheated but I know a lot of people who have cheated or have been cheated on. Both men and women mind you because despite the bad rep that guys get on the cheating front just as many women do it too. Believe me, they do. And here is where I am going to get really controversial and say something that is going to make people mad I am sure but ... I get it. 

I understand some of the reasons why people cheat and I don't think it's the most horrible thing in the world, if you're the cheater. If you are the cheat-ee it's likely one of the most devastating things like ever, that is if you find out. I am willing to bet there is a huge portion of the spectrum that never know. One of the reasons I think this is my experience in the online dating arena. I had no idea but people are cheating all over the place. It makes me wonder about myself, about everyone. Are we even made to be monogamous?

Look how happy all these crazy bitches look and they share one incarcerated husband, God-awful pastel potato sacks and miles of the worst hair I've ever seen. Kidding... I'm totally not endorsing this lifestyle choice but it's like a train wreck you know what I mean????

One of the  bazillion reasons I ended my marriage was that I was feeling like if I didn't do something proactive I was going to do something re-active. Like maybe cheat, or have an affair if you want to call it that anymore. I don't really like that phrase, most people aren't out falling in love... they're just screwin around. I was so miserable and my relationship was so unfulfilled, I knew if I found myself with someone I was attracted to that made me feel like a beautiful, desirable woman it'd be on like Donkey Kong. And I don't think I would have felt the slightest bit of guilt either. Is that horrendous? I'm not sure, but I was miserable. This is why I struggle with the whole relationship thing now.

For example, and I shit you not, just today I was contacted by 2... yes 2 married men on the dating sites. Looking for hookups. One said he was in an "open" relationship and the other played the old "staying together for the kids" card. God I hate when people say that!!! I want to bitch slap them! On what planet do kids want unhappily married parents???? That's a whole nother post though. The point of this whole post is that I know cheaters who are now happily married and not cheating, by all accounts. What if I meet a former cheater and I fall in love with him? Cause let me tell you, people don't seem all too ashamed to admit that they have strayed. Part of me thinks, the bigger part, that cheaters cheat because there is something missing or they are not with the right person and they are searching desperately to find it. I'm not condoning it, at all. I chose the more difficult path for sure. And people are constantly asking me why I am not dating anyone. Well, here is one of the reasons... how can anyone be trusted? Of course if I did meet someone who admitted to being a former sneaky bastard I would lay money on the fact that I could be enough to make him faithful... which is completely ridiculous I know! So what do you think... Once a cheater always a cheater or just searching for the one?

Brought together by cheating. Love em or hate em, they both always seem happy.


  1. I really just think it depends on the person. Some people will continuously cheat, while others stop once they have found what they are looking for. I still think cheating is the easy way out. Instead of dealing with the issues in their relationships or having the strength to leave, they cheat.

  2. I think it really just comes down to the person. I think there are people out there who will cheat no matter what becuase it's just their personality type and there is something within them that is unfulfilled. Or maybe they're just a dog for life. I think there are other people out there who make a mistake and can move on and change. I'm a glass half full, always try to see both sides kind of girl, so I guess I lean more toward people can change.