My Big Fat Child Support Dilemadrama

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

So this is going to be my serious post for the month, or maybe the rest of the year depending on how I feel. Here is my serious don't eff with me face. I really hate focusing on the serious stuff which I think I have eluded to before. I am the ultimate Scarlett O'Hara in that my motto has always been...

First of all some really sobering statistics...

Unpaid child support has reached more than 100 billion dollars in the United States in 2011.

More than 37.5 million custodial parents are owed child support in the United States, and that number increases every year.

Approximately 25 million custodial parents do not receive any child support and have not filed to receive child support.

Of the estimated 12.5 million custodial parents that have child support orders, approximately 6.2 million custodial parents do not receive any child support, and 6.3 million custodial parents receive some support, but are owed arrears.

Of the estimated 12.5 million parents owed support, approximately 75% of the noncustodial parents can afford to pay support, but refuse.

Ummm yeah, so there you have it. Pretty depressing to say the least. I can never decide whether or not I should write about this part of my life here but what the hell. Apparently I am  not alone in this sinking ship that I am in. Turns out we are 6.2 million strong in the good old USA. See, I fall into the category of custodial parents that have a child support order but are currently receiving no support. That's right. I have 3 kids and I get no help from their Dad. None. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I don't bitch about it alot either much to the surprise of all of my friends. You see I just don't see the point in focusing on the past. There is only one problem there, it's also the present and likely the future. and it blows chunks and it's not fucking fair. The worst part is that I don't know what to do.

My ex is trying to work the system. You see, he has some health problems that are very real, heart problems. Just like 5 million other Americans he has congestive heart failure. He is 47. And he may die in 5 years or he may not. He has to take a lot of medication, he has no energy and he feels bad all the time. But he is not doing all of the things he could be to improve his health. He is on his second attempt at going for full disability after being denied the first time. All of this happened after we separated just so you don't think I left him because he was sick. He was a jackhole before he got sick that's why I put the kibosh on the whole marriage thing.

He hasn't paid me a dime since August of 2012. He has managed to spend 2 weeks vacationing in Puerto Rico (one on a cruise) and about 6 weeks in Mexico since then though. You know where I was? Here, busting my ass at work and taking care of 3 kids. Doing all the homework, the practices, the class functions, the bday parties, the doctors appointments, cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, shuttling and every damn thing in between. Now I adore my kids an I will do everything it takes to give them a good life and lots of love but where do I draw the line? When do I say "you know what I'm going after your ass for the money you owe me"? But if I do he could wind up in jail... at some point... the system is slow. And that would be bad for my kids. At least now he is back to taking them every other weekend which helps me. If he's in jail it won't help me at all.

He moved out about a year and a half ago. All his crap is still in my house (I got the house in the divorce) and I haven't pushed him to get it out. I'm too nice. I let him see the kids whenever he wants and I always have and I always will. Nice again. Yesterday he asked me for something and I said No. He said "you know you've been an asshole throughout this whole thing". I almost fell over. I have guy friends that tell me you are the ex-wife of every man's dreams. Great... that's what I was striving for lol.

Ugh. I wish I had the answers. I wish I knew what to do. And this post is not for anyone to feel sorry for me or to bitch and moan... well maybe a little, but not really. I guess I am just venting. I don't know what I am going to do. It will probably come to me in a moment of clarity after a bottle glass of wine. Maybe I should toss up a fist full of glitter and a coin in the air and see which way it lands and make my decision. I'll figure it out. The real point is that I am happier now than I have ever been. I made the hard choices but they were the right ones for me. It's not really getting easier yet, it's getting harder,  but there is peace and the choices to make are mine and mine alone. Sometimes that fact alone is the most horrible scary part, it's really hard to make all the big decisions alone. And I get tired of it and sometimes I cry, but when I look around me I wouldn't trade places with anyone else.
 It's good to be the Queen.

**Update** I wrote this post 2 days ago and have been thinking on it. Full update to come but I filed with the GA Dept.of Child Support Enforcement last night to get the money that my children are owed. One step down... many to go I am sure... big sigh...... I'll probably never get a penny but at least I tried to hold him responsible.

My serious don't fuck with me face....
And just because this post was so serious I saved something completely off the chizain to tell you all tomorrow. Stay tuned...   


  1. I'm new to reading your blog and am now a follower (that always sounds so cult like) Anywho, I have an ex husband too, who is also an asshole. We've been divorced almost 4 years now and the truth I have realized is that they will never fucking get it, plain truth. They will always be the victim and we'll always be the bad guy. I'm far past having any expectation/hope that one day he'll have an epiphany, or brain aneurysm, where he realizes he has responsibility in life. Regardless it sucks. Hang in there and the good news is our kids have awesome kick ass mamas. Good luck to you!

    1. Thank you JessI really appreciate it! And you are right that is the good news for our kiddoes! I guess I still have expectations because every once in awhile I see a glimmer of the man I used to love, and then it's gone. But we women thankfully have what it takes to do what needs to be done. I am sure at some point I will give up on the epiphany/aneurysm as well!!!


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