The Marrying Kind - I'm Not, Are you?

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Well it's that time of year again... wedding season. Which always makes me ponder the whole marriage thing. And I'm not against it, not at all, but I'm not really for it either. I'm the Switzerland of marriage.

Men are the marrying kind. They are. They don't do well alone most of them. My ex had a girlfriend before we were even divorced... that stung. I don't know how much before, it wasn't the cause of our divorce or anything but he didn't spend any time single. Not one minute. He didn't want to be alone at all. In fact, more than one of my guy friends/acquaintances spent pretty much no time waiting around after their divorces. They all mostly moved right on to the next serious relationship and a lot of them the next marriage within a very short time. Dafuq?

What am I missing? I am in no hurry and I know anyone reading this is going to say "take your time, it's all good, no rush" but I'm just not sure I'm the marrying kind. People get all nutty when I say that because I was married for 17 years.  How could I not be suited to marriage or conscious coupling? Surely if that were true I would have divorced a lot sooner. I think I got married because I wanted kids and everyone else was getting married. I was in love too... oh yeah that.  But it was really hard, a lot of it, and I stuck it out because we made a family. And people don't like to hear that either... it seems to make them uncomfortable cause everyone wants to believe in the power of love. Love schmove. Marriage is hard... like bust your balls every day  hard sometimes and I am inherently lazy. I would rather do what I want than what someone else wants to do 90% of the time. Not good for marriage. I guess that makes me inherently selfish too and I can keep all of these qualities in check and I did for the sake of my marriage. But now... at this point in my life... IDGAF (there it is again). But I miss diamonds.... truth. I would like some more of those.

I don't think I will ever have the burning desire to get married again. I can think of  3 divorced friends of mine who have not remarried quickly... 3. More than half of my married friends aren't even all that  happy. All the other people I know who are divorced are either remarried or in a committed relationship of some sort. Most of them seem happy too... good for them. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have that special person in my life. For example, I let my mind go there on Friday night when I got home from work to an empty house save the dog. I thought what if there was a Mr. Wonderful there or on the way over? Would I like it or would I be annoyed that I couldn't slob on the couch with a glass of wine? Cause a man would probably want dinner which would require getting my ass off the couch ... no bueno. Or maybe he would cook me dinner? Very bueno. That would be nice too but I still like the no muss no fuss of my apple and cheese and glass o wine tuned in to a Dateline 48 Hours Hard Evidence story on how some be-otch faked her own kidnapping to try to frame her husband.   

But I suppose if the right guy came along and I felt that crazy, ridiculous, inconvenient, can't live without each other love then ... maybe. In the news over the weekend was the story of a couple married for 70... yes SEVEN ZERO... years.  They had 8 children. They took care of each other until the very end. She passed away on Saturday at 92. He passed on Sunday, just 15 hours later. How amazing is that? I know you hear about these stories from time to time and it just makes me think... how lucky to have had that kind of love. The love that you literally can't live without. It's so rare. I can't imagine...

Read their story here

What do you think... is marriage like 1000 times harder than you thought it would be?
If you're not married do you want to be?
Would you do it again if it didn't work out the first time?

I realize these are tough questions but just generally... your first inclination... yes or no?

Your favorite future crazy cat lady,


  1. i never thought i was going to get married either and when i met my now-husband, i was perfectly happy just living together because i knew we were meant to be together. to me, marriage is just a piece of paper so if it didn't happen, i would've been fine.

    Vodka and Soda

  2. I don't think there's anything wrong with either choice... to get married or to stay single. To me, it's like having kids. People give me shit all the time b/c I don't want kids. It's a HUGE ass decision and a personal one... which means it's different for EVERYBODY! Do yo' thang!

  3. I am currently married, 11 years, and you are right it is HARD! But in my case that comes from blending a family and those difficulties not from the hubs. He is actually my best friend. But if we were no longer together I don't think I would ever get married's just to hard and maybe I don't think I have it in me to work that hard again. Call me lazy but that's how I feel. I say do what makes YOU the happiest because in the end that's what matters.

    1. The blending families scares the crap out of me. I have 3 kids, can't imagine more of someone else's! I know I don't want to work that hard again! Thanks Kelly!

  4. I have a hard time seeing your point of view on "all men need marriage." My current boyfriend was single for a decade before we got together--by his own choice. And he, like me, is in absolutely no rush for marriage. I just think it's absolutely and totally unfair to group all men together. Feminists would have a shitfit if you said 'all women need a man'. The opposite is no less judging.

    Otherwise, I agree with your post. I find marriage to be completely unnecessary and not only something that rarely lasts as long as it's supposed to, but also something that 1) a great side population isn't even legally allowed in some states, and 2) the money is such an absolute waste. I was married and didn't spend hardly anything on it. A little courthouse marriage with a dress I already had. But we're now going through a divorce and I just can't see that it was worth it in the slightest. I guess I'm creeped out by the tradition, but most traditions creep me out.

    1. I did not say that "all men need marriage" and that is not my point of view at all. I said that men are the marrying kind and most don't do well alone. Big difference! And as for the feminists lol... I don't give much credence to their opinions anyway. I could say all women are female and they would likely argue!
      I think marriage is a great institution for a lot of people, just not for me at this point in my life! Thanks for your comment!

  5. I never wanted to get married. MFD and I were together for 8 years before we got married. We bought a house together too - to me, joint property is more binding than marriage.

    We got married because he wanted to and because it was important to him. I could have never been married and been totally fine.

  6. This is why I started following you, our commonality, being divorced. Bleh! It's not the worst thing that could've happened, but it sure rocked my world. I wonder the same things all of the time. I want to be in a loving relationship, and I would get remarried, but for the love of all things pretty and sparkly, it is the HARDEST thing in the world. I thought love made everything work in harmonious balance, and then you add work, kids, house and general life, and love is put on the back burner cuz life gets real. Sigh, I've dated lots of DB along the way, but I'm having to wonder if I'm really cut out for a real relationship. One that I have to compromise on and bend, one that doesn't just make me feel good, but one that is mutually give and take. Can you tell I've thought about this a time or two?!? I think it takes that real special person to make anyone want to get married for the right reasons, and if we EVER get to meet him, then we'll be happy to blend our lives. Until then, let's be happy being ourselves, with ourselves :-) xoxo