Anxiety Meds, Blind Faith or Head in the Sand???

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

A lot of things in my life are kind of broken, a mess, a beautiful disaster of wine and puffy hearts, stacks of bracelets and the occasional unicorn flying by.  I have perspective though. I am not going to sit here and cry and whine and say it's overwhelming and I just can't face it. I did that for a long time and it landed me smack in the hospital having horrendous anxiety which literally could have killed me.  And I know people that have truly dire things to deal with, none of this is gonna kill me. But I keep thinking something more wine is coming, I keep waiting patiently for it. And I have given up the worrying about the mess for the most part Xanax. But.... I'm not doing anything to prepare for the opposite lack of wine either. Which is bad, and I can't seem to get my still relatively fabulous ass in gear and start doing at least some of those things. Fixing some of the broken shit, cause I can, it's just going to be hard and uncomfortable sober... and I don't wanna. Do I sound twelve? Lol... I don't know if it's the Xanax, my Faith that everything will be ok or am I just choosing to be Scarlett  and think about it tomorrow? 

Is it just me or does anyone else start taking stock of their year about this time every year? Start thinking about those resolutions made over champs and fireball about 10 months ago? Right at this very second I can't remember what I did on New Year's Eve last year... faaaack.... that is pretty damn depressing. Oh... I remember now... I went to see a Bon Jovi Tribute Band "Slippery When Wet" at a local bar with 2 single hoes girlfriends and 1 slutbag who is no longer worthy. It was one of those reserve a table, hors d'oerves bar, bottle of champs kinda deals. It was fun, sorta. I hate New Years Eve. Hate. Hate. Hate. It's a couples holiday if you ask me on account a the midnight suckface rigmarole you gotta go thru errr damn time. When you ain't got no hunkfest midnight = loserville awkwardness standing around wanting to sink into the floor. Wait... that is not where I was going with this...

We have just 10 weeks and a few odd days to wrap up anything we had planned for our fabulous selves for 2013 and put a friggin bow on it. That's 40+ rounds of 24 to make some serious changes big or small. If you think about it a lot can happen in that amount of time. When I look back on this year I am thinking there are a lot of things I did not accomplish but there are a few things I did... big things too. 

Such as... well I will just start with the big shee-aattt;

 I got my divorce... all by myself... no attorney. Just me. This was big. 

 I quit smoking. If you don't know, you don't know... this also huge!!!!

I paid off my car. Never done that before. Holla

I managed to take my kids on Spring Break... despite being broker than broke. I made it happen, it wasn't fancy but they will always remember their first trip to Savannah and getting shit on by seagulls on Tybee Island. 

I didn't lose my house. I came very close but I temporarily came up with a solution and it worked. 

And some little things...

I bought a dog.

I Mrs. Robinson'ed dated some younger guys.  

I discovered I kinda sorta don't dig older guys, unless they are really looooaaaadddded. We aren't the only ones affected by gravity ladies. True that. 

I went on another great girls weekend. No arrests. No tattoos. 

I took my kids to Tallahassee for a football game.  

Those are my biggies and some smallsies that were just as meaningful to me... but I fell short on some other things that were/are really important to me. And that blows but the year is not over. So rather than say what the hell and just wait til NYE and start all over I am going to keep drinking wine plugging along until then and wait for unicorns to fly by see what else I can check off the list this year. 

What do you still want to accomplish this year? You have 71 days!!! Come on now!!! Let's duck some shit up ... teamwork.

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