The Post I Don't Want to Write...

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

I had a doctors appointment yesterday. It was a regular check up with my internist as he is helping me manage my anxiety and blood pressure issues along with my cardiologist. I get to see my cardiologist tomorrow and I am sure I will get scolded again. I am just going to lay it out there... 

I have been completely fucking around with my health, 
and by that I mean my weight.

First I am going to start off with some positive statistics that I am in fact very proud of. I think you should always lead with your accomplishments right?

On May 12, 2013 I quit smoking... that is:
149 days
4mos 26 days
21 weeks 2 days
3576 hours
214,560 minutes
12,873,600 seconds
of not smoking cigarettes and not cheating... at all. 

This is huge for me and I don't want to take anything away from it but I need to be honest and say that I have simply replaced one addiction with another. Instead of sitting on my deck with a smoke for the last 4 months I have been standing in my kitchen shoveling food into my pie hole. Notice I said standing cause I often don't even sit down to enjoy what I am eating. It's that bad. And yesterday my doctor pointed it out to me on his laptop... a little graph of my weight steadily climbing since I have been seeing him. Ugh. I am so embarrassed. He asked me if I needed a diet plan, if I understood how much exercise I should be getting, what else was going on, was I eating too much ice cream or chocolate. Really he did. All I could really say was I am an idiot, I know what I am supposed to be doing I'm just not doing it and I don't know why. It's the million dollar question. 

I quit smoking for me but just as much for my kids. And they are thrilled and so proud of me.  I did it. It just clicked one day and then I had a major health scare which terrified me enough to never consider backsliding. So why cant I lose the weight and eat clean??? The doctor left me with words of encouragement and said see you in 3 mos. The nurse at the desk asked about a date and I said sure not really paying attention. And then she handed me this card... 

the date of my next appointment and my daughter's 15th birthday. 

I almost handed it back and said no, not that day, but I stopped. I thought, that is the perfect day. The perfect day for me to focus on as a reason to start doing what I need to do for myself and my beautiful kiddoes. I don't know if it is a sign or someone trying to say "Hey, Get your shit together Amy" but I am going to take it that way. It's a significant day in my life, an odd coincidence. 

As you may have noticed I have a new blog design and I  asked for a "Fitness" tab to be included. Feeling like a bit of a farce but it's out there now and it's time to fill it up with stuff, progress, recipes, plans... I'm not really sure what yet but I'll figure it out. And I will take inspiration from all of you out there in blog land because so many of you share your stories and the same struggles. 

And on a lighter note... advice for the day

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